It also concerns me that women are basically infantalizing other women. We are able to make some of the biggest, most painful decisions of our lives, which would include ending a pregnancy, but when it comes to relinquishing a child for adoption, intelligent, mature, grown women suddenly de-evolve into simple creatures void of any emotional maturity who lack intgelligence and are incapable of making decisions for themselves without claiming coercion. I believe the majority of women scream coercion because they fear being judged by society and especially their grown children who come looking for them. Absolving themselves of responsibility tastes better than accepting they made the best decision they could with what they knew to be true at the time.

Of course there is. Don’t be silly.

Why is it that you won’t deny the full range of emotions that come with adoption, but you’re perfectly willing to deny the full range of emotions that come with abortion? Most women who have abortions feel a sense of relief and yes, closure. If you aren’t willing to accept that reality, how can you ever hope to make a difference?

“You know, feminist abortion advocates swear to us up and down that abortion is empowering, and that the idea of coercion is ferociously exaggerated. But when faced with the option of adoption, suddenly women are weak, powerless victims who’s babies are being ripped from their arms.”

This criticism would make more sense if you could point to any feminist group claiming that the option of adoption makes women “weak, powerless victims.” Anti-adoption activists are usually birth mothers speaking from personal experience, not random feminists. Feminist groups don’t typically have anything to say about adoption, pro or con.

There’s pro-adoption webpages that sound just like abortion ads. They talk about how difficult parenting is, how children need two parents, how young girl’s plans shouldn’t be interrupted by having children. I think that sort of rhetoric encourages abortion even if they meant it to encourage adoption. We have to challenge those beliefs.

Its hard, because on one hand, no one says being a teenage mother is ideal, and lots of pro-lifers doubt that single motherhood is ideal either. Also, no one wants to say women should be forced to raise their kids. Adoption lets prolifers claim they still believe motherhood should be a choice.

So on one hand, promoting adoption sounds like the idea solution. No killing babies, but less single teenage mothers either, and no saying that women who unintentionally get pregnant should have to raise their children. But… we shouldn’t ask the anti-abortion advocates to keep quiet about the pain, loss and coercision in adoption, just because we’d like to believe there’s an easy way out of the unplanned pregnancy dilemna.

There isn’t an easy solution to an unwanted pregnancy. I think we need to keep trying to change the context. Create a more mother-friendly world. Work on changing people’s attitudes towards sex and children. Address the reasons there are so many unwanted pregnancies…. all those hard things that both anti-adoption and anti-abortion people want to address.

Meanwhile, some of the changes advocated by anti-adoption people might help improve things for those involved in adoption in the future.