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Free range parenting continued

May 15, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

I’ve been thinking some more about free range parenting particularly as it pertains to safety, or our society’s risk aversion. I think that the extent to which children can be left unsupervised is directly proportional to parents’ ability to count on their neighbors – writ large – to keep her children safe.

My suburban neighbourhood is surrounded by open fields and a small wooded area. Liesl and Kurt, who are responsible for walking Cocker Spaniel twice a day, would love to prowl the open fields but are not allowed… yet. Is this necessary? Probably not. The risk of meeting an ill-intentioned stranger is low but the stakes are high. And more importantly, if my children yelled, would anybody help them? I don’t think so and this is the most frightening thing.

In recent years, two women were murdered by random strangers in the Ottawa area. Ardeth Wood disappeared in August 2003 and Jennifer Teague in September 2005. Some reported the similarities of both cases but omitted an important one: in both cases a witness noticed something amiss, felt uncomfortable about it, figured it was a couple’s dispute and decided to mind their own business. A cyclist saw Ardeth Wood visibly upset being taken toward the forest by Chris Myers. A resident heard Jennifer Teague’s scream as she was abducted at knife’s point by Kevin Davis. Both decided not to get involved. Upsetting as it is, I always wondered if my nausea wasn’t caused by the knowledge that I might have done the same thing in similar circumstances: mind my own business.

My fear is not so much that my children will make unfortunate encounters on the bike paths circling my neighbourhood. But if they did, residents of fancy ravine lots wouldn’t hear them in their sealed, air-conditioned, oasis of splendor. I have lived here for two years and I know one neighbour. I joke that if burglars pulled in my driveway with a delivery truck, they could empty the entire content of my house and nobody would bat an eye. I can drag my kids kicking and screaming through an entire shopping mall without anyone asking if they are okay. “Good!” you tell me? What If I wasn’t their mom?

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: Ardeth Wood, Children, Chris Myers, free range kids, Jennifer Teague, Kevin Davis, murder, Ottawa, Parenting, safety

Free range parenting

May 14, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

An interesting article in yesterday’s Globe & Mail about “free range parenting”, read it here. I meant to blog about it yesterday but was too busy driving my children to their Mandarin and Eastern art appreciation classes. Just kidding!

Seriously, Tuesday is one of two days out of seven where our children don’t need to be driven somewhere. This will change radically as soccer season starts: three of our children have soccer practice on Tuesday in three different locations. We are working overtime on teleportation and ubiquity. Hopefully, the device will be ready for next week. Yeah…

In light of this unfortunate (read “untenable”) situation, the article made me wonder if I was not just a little guilty of hyper-parenting. But there is more to hyper-parenting and supermomdom than meets the eye. This year has made me eat back every nasty, eye-rolling, head shaking comment I’ve ever uttered against Parents-who-do-this-to-their-kids when my three daughters got heavily involved in dance and gymnastics. As it turns out, some kids do it to themselves. And why shouldn’t they? If you are “blessed” (or should I say “cursed”?) with children who have particular physical or creative abilities, you can’t count on schools to get it out of their systems. Art, languages, sports have all been cut from the Ontario curriculum. And there is no way street soccer can replace the level of physical activity that my pint-sized gymnast needs to be happy (she trains 7.5 hours a week at age 6, don’t shoot until you’ve met her). What is a parent to do when Little Sunshine wants to do more gym, or more dance, or more drama? Fill the form, write the cheques and drive the car, that’s what you do.

But heavy involvement in activities doesn’t have to mean rushed meals, non-existent family time and homework woes. A little organization – and some willful blindness – goes a long way in ensuring that things are done around the house. I make suppers during the weekend, I jog during gym class – which gets me healthy AND walks the dog in one convenient package – I shop for groceries during dance class, I make arrangements for carpooling. But more importantly, there is no tv, computer or video games during weekdays, meaning that the children still get plenty of down time to toss a soccer ball, goof around and relax. Hey, they even have been known to do their homework out of sheer boredom! As for me, I could definitely use some non-graduate-studies-induced boredom. But this too shall pass, I’ll sleep when I’m dead, yadda, yadda. Really, my kids will be in their mid-twenties when I’m in my mid-forties and I know I’ll miss these crazy years.

There is 24 hours in a day for everybody, even super-moms. What you do with them is up to you.

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: activities, free range kids, Globe & Mail, hyper-parenting, super mom, time management

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