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You are here: Home / All Posts / Who needs trust when you have a pre-nup?

Who needs trust when you have a pre-nup?

October 27, 2010 by Deborah Mullan Leave a Comment

So this is what marriage is coming to?

Americans are taking a cautious approach to marriage and are seeking more prenuptial agreements before walking down the aisle.

[. . .]

More women and middle-class couples are opting for prenups, which can also include adultery clauses, protection of retirement benefits and even custody of the dog, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML), which represents more than 1600 lawyers.

“It’s a planning tool. Given that half of marriages end in divorce it makes sense to plan,” said Marlene Eskind Moses, the president of the AAML.

Sure, I can understand that a pre-nup makes sense from a legal standpoint, but from a relational standpoint? I don’t think beginning your marriage with, “Hey, I love you but I don’t think I can ever fully trust you” is a good way to start.

It’s also worth pointing out that the “half of marriages end in divorce” statement isn’t true. No wonder they’re so cynical, they’re getting bad facts. Not that it should matter, everybody else’s divorce rate holds no bearing on your own marriage.

And now these pre-nups include requirements for date nights, nights per week a spouse can go out without the other, and who gets the puppies if their dog gives birth (somebody please tell me when a divorce is really going to coincide with a litter of puppies being born?). Sounds like a recipe for a legalistic marriage if it’s just full of rules as to who can do what and when.

But I’m a traditional girl, my vows included, “I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life . . . to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poor, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” If that’s not good enough for people, then I don’t know what is!

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