Archives for October 2010

Man rescues baby left to die in dumpster. Later told it was his son. Someone ought to make a movie out of that one.

A horrible story from China:

BEIJING, China – A pregnant woman in south China was detained, beaten and forced to have an abortion just a month before her due date because the baby would have violated the country’s one-child limit, her husband said Thursday.

Construction worker Luo Yanquan said his wife was taken kicking and screaming from their home by more than a dozen people on Oct. 10 and detained in a clinic for three days by family planning officials, then taken to a hospital and injected with a drug that killed her baby. Family planning officials told the couple they weren’t allowed to have the child because they already have a 9-year-old daughter, Luo said.

We are so used to hearing about the one-child policy that I don’t think it quite registers how the mere presence of this law is repressive. Even if no one were ever taken away kicking and screaming, it would still be horrifying, because it is contrary to fundamental human desires to have a family.

And to think, Marie Stopes International is expanding their presence there.

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Update: You can see a news report about this case, here.

Since two people have jokingly asked, no, “Andrea” in this column is not me:

Last Saturday I chatted with a young woman I met after a panel discussion I’d participated in. “Andrea” has high ambitions typical of most young women today, but she also looks forward to marriage and a lot of children. She asked what advice I might have for her.

I was stymied, I must admit. She is already 25 years old and in no hurry to settle down, statistically about par for the course. Her career ambitions demand heavy educational investment, but to end up with her big family she should have started yesterday. A woman’s fertility peaks between the ages of 15 and 25. After 30, fertility declines somewhat, and after 35, a lot.

Andrea is a complete anomaly these days. There are certainly millions of women in the world who willingly accept and make room in their hearts for as many children as nature provides. And there are millions of women of ambition pursuing higher education and demanding careers. But there are hardly any women in both camps.

Ah, 25. At the time I had returned from an internship in Europe, was unemployed, looking for work and was in the midst of a relationship breakup that lasted almost as long as the relationship itself. Needless to say, I don’t long to be 25 again.

I never said things like what this “Andrea” has said anyway, though I might agree in principle. I did my Masters degree by accident, yes, by accident, and have generally speaking been nonchalant about “career” (in a meticulous, please, dear God don’t ever let me be fired kind of way). That’s one of life’s great ironies–you think you can control it but you can’t.

I’m not surprised Barbara Kay couldn’t give any advice. Because there’s no micromanaging life, fertility, babies or careers, which is the general opinion of this blog and the main reason why young, early 20s students who get pregnant unexpectedly should be strongly encouraged, indeed, admonished to keep their babies. Because life isn’t actually going to go according to their powerpoint plan anyway, so why not just do the right thing now?

Never miss a chance to express your opinion, so they say. Bottom line, that “Andrea” wasn’t me.

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Véronique adds: As an higher-educated woman with a career and a super-sized family, I feel compelled to have  a whack at this one!

First, she should indeed have started yesterday. At 25, I had three children and a law degree. But more fundamentally, she needs to know that she can have it “all”… but not at the same time. When I hear women ask how they can have an education, a career, a functional marriage and a family, I get the impression that what they really want to know is how they can have all these things concurrently. But the fact is that all these things must be pursued relentlessly to achieve success. As a result, “Andrea” must have vision, patience,  and focused attention. All her decisions — starting at 25 — will be determined by whether or not they “fit” in the bigger plan. And that includes decisions about dating and education.

Secondly, at the risk of sounding like a crusty old goat, she must find Mr. Right. Because to be a working/studying mother of a large family, she will need a partner who is 100% committed to the end game and to the family. But marriage is never a one-way street and she shouldn’t expect her partner to commit to her objectives if she doesn’t commit to his. Teamwork and focus: both spouses have to be pulling in the same direction.

Once you accept that you can’t have it all at the same time, go ahead and have your children young. You will be healthier. They will be healthier. They will have the chance to enjoy their grandparents. And they won’t have to care for aging parents at an age where they should be starting a family and a career. In my case, I cannot say that I have it all yet. I have a solid 15-year marriage. I have half-a-dozen healthy and happy children. I have a house. I am healthy and fit. I have a university education. And finally, I am starting a career. But I make 1/5 of my husband’s salary with more education. And my peers on Parliament Hill are 10 to 15 years younger than me. All in all, I expect that by my 50th birthday — by then my children will be 14, 17, 21, 23, 26 and 27 — I will finally “have it all”.

You’d never have thunk.

Not that I needed another one… but this is kind of interesting:

A study claims sex hormones in the contraceptive Pill bring out the green-eyed monster, making a woman more possessive and more likely to fret about her husband or boyfriend’s fidelity.

Those taking brands with the highest levels of oestrogen may even find their hormone-driven suspicions place their relationship in jeopardy, researchers warned.

Also: I will always choose Sean Connery over the latest cutesy-poo girlie star.

Marie Stopes International runs one of the most aggressive marketing campaigns I have ever encountered, from TV ads on abortion to youth-friendly JibJab style cartoons depicting sexual scenarios, from World Cup themed vasectomy ads in cabs to the latest SexFactor (playing off the uber-popular UK talent show, The X Factor).

MSI, in their efforts to become the primary source of contraceptives, reproductive surgery and abortions, have now taken it upon themselves to be the first to “educate” the children of Manchester about the birds and the bees.

Marie Stopes International is hosting SexFactor for 200, 15 year olds from local Manchester schools to give them all the facts about how to avoid unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and sexual assault.

SexFactor will be a fun, interactive day with workshops on sex and relationships being held at the Lancashire County Cricket club today.

[…]

Louise Brennan, Clinical Lead at Marie Stopes International’s Manchester clinic said:

“The research is very clear; where sex and relationships education is taught in conjunction with contraceptive services, young people are more likely to delay their first sexual experience, practice safe sex and are less likely to have an unplanned pregnancy or contract an STI.

“Many of the students attending SexFactor, previously have not received any sex or relationships education. So this is about arming young people with the information to protect themselves against unplanned pregnancy and STIs, to respect each other and to have the skills and knowledge to have safe sexual relationships.

“We have received requests from teachers to visit their schools to teach sex and relationships education because students have become pregnant. Many teachers are telling us they don’t feel they have the training or information to properly teach comprehensive sex and relationships education.

“Marie Stopes International calls for the Government to make the teaching of sex and relationship education compulsory and to fund the proper training of teachers, but in the meantime we are helping local schools.”

School boards are elected by their communities. MSI, as a non-gvernmental organization, answers to no one but themselves. So is it really about teaching children to “respect each other” (which I find difficult to imagine for 15 year olds at an event called SexFactor), or is it about getting them familiar with the brand name?

From the Kansas City Star:

Planned Parenthood of Kansas and Mid-Missouri faces 107 charges that it falsified records and performed illegal abortions. Phil Kline filed the charges in 2007 when he served as Johnson County district attorney.

The case had been tied up in a dispute over subpoenas, but the high court returned it to the District Court, where it may proceed.

Friday’s decision is far from a big win for anti-abortion groups, however, because it imposes restrictions on what evidence can be used by prosecutors. A key set of state abortion records, for instance, is off limits, the court ruled.

And with that, 23 felony charges against Planned Parenthood could just disappear without further investigation.

The debate on graphic abortion pictures resurfaced in my house this morning in a most unexpected way. My local paper has decided to publish some of the least offensive pictures released during Col. Russell Williams’ sentencing hearing. The sight of a grown man in girls’ underwear is not my idea of a wake-up call at 5 am. But as the Ottawa Citizen explained: “…we believe it is vital that the true nature of his crimes be revealed and that, by (publishing the pictures), the Citizen is contributing to an understanding of the proceedings against him and his sentencing.”

As an argument for publishing, it is uncomfortably similar to the rationale supporting the use of graphic abortion images, don’t you think? So can I both support graphic abortion images while denouncing the publication of explicit pictures of a sick man? I dread looking at pictures of aborted fetuses as much as I dread looking at Williams’ pictures. In fact, when I go to work, I make a point of looking the other way when I walk by the abortion display on Parliament Hill. Yet I support the use of graphic abortion pictures because the story needs to be told. And the story is not told by our sex educators, our schools or our medical system.

Does a story of sexual perversion need telling in all its gory details? I am asking because I am not sure what purpose is served by publishing the pictures. I read that Russell Williams was a grown man who liked to wear girls’ underwear. Then I saw Russell Williams in girls’ underwear. What changed? I honestly fail to see how seeing the pictures after reading the article has enlightened me. Do I better understand the proceedings and the sentencing? Two women are dead, several more traumatized. Whatever his sentence is, I can promise that I will find it inadequate.

I didn’t need a picture.

From a moment of silence for Dr. Mildred Jefferson, to a silent day, this time a campaign to draw attention to the unborn who are forever silenced when their lives are aborted. Seems like it’s more for high school students, but I appreciate the sentiment and the effort.

Sometimes, being prowoman and prolife can be very frustrating. Sometimes, you just want to scream. This is one of those mornings…

Women abort potential babies because they would prefer not to be a mother at all, rather than be an inadequate parent. It’s not that they don’t care about the unborn child, it’s because they care so much.

It is right for us to be sympathetic to these fears of inadequacy, and it is our duty to soothe these fears, educate and create systems of support that eradicate the perceived need to abort. I’ve heard this argument before, that it’s better to not be a parent at all than to have been a bad parent. On behalf of all of those with difficult childhoods in less than perfect homes, I protest.

As a parent myself, I know that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Women are told this bumper sticker style slogan to convince them they’re making the right decision for not only themselves, but for their baby. I’ve heard this repeated in 12th and Delaware by the abortion clinic operator, Candace, who tells a woman she’d be a bad person if she had the child and then mistreated it. But abortion or being a failure as a parent are not the only options, and we need to stop telling women they are and instead do something to support their efforts.

So rather than pull my hair out, I’m going to celebrate those women who have made the choice to have their children (like my own mother, and I’m sure many of yours) and not let the Candaces of the world tell them it’s too much of a risk because the odds aren’t in their favour.

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Andrea adds: The article ends by asking: “Isn’t it better to end the pregnancy than be a parent when you know you are not ready for it?” And the short answer is no, it’s not. You’ll never know how and whether you could have risen to the occasion and become a better person by having the baby. Secondly, no one is telling women they have to parent. There’s another “A word” and it’s called adoption. My BS o’meter went through the roof on this. Or, as Brigitte would say, colour me unsympathetic. We are prowoman and prolife, not gullible and timid, and that means sometimes you have to call your fellow women to account. So to this writer, I would say, don’t pretend abortion is a courageous act. You know somewhere deep down that it’s not.