I know many single parents, almost all of them female. While some seem superhuman in their ability to work and parent, others struggle with the basics of daily life. However they manage, there’s more of them now than ever before, and they could all use a little help.
One in four children in the U.S. is being raised by a single parent – a percentage that has been on the rise and is higher than other developed countries, according to a report released today.
Researchers found that the U.S. had 25.8 percent of children being raised by a single parent, compared with an average of 14.9 percent across the other countries. […]
Christina Gibson Davis, a professor at Duke University’s Sanford School of Public Police, said changing gender roles, the rise of contraception, high incarceration rates in some communities and an acceptance of having children out of wedlock have all contributed to the growing number.
Terry O’Neill, president of the National Organization for Women, added it isn’t being a single parent in itself that raises difficulties.
‘Single moms do a brilliant and amazing job raising their children,” said Terry O’Neill, president of the National Organization for Women.
‘It is also true that single moms in this country are systemically underpaid, and systematically under-resourced and systemically unrespected. It’s not the fact they are single moms that makes things difficult.’
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Single mothers are individuals who have made choices for complicated reasons based on their individual life circumstances. They cannot and should not be viewed as a monolithic, undifferentiated group.
The difficulties they experience are often only the result of these choices. One thing that single mothers cannot be reasonably described as, is victims of some unfeeling “system” that underpays them and under-resources them and doesn’t respect them. Encouraging them to see themselves as victims achieves nothing positive for them. Rather, they have to be encouraged to take responsibility, personal and individual responsibility, as the adult in their family, for their and their children’s emotional, psychological and economic well-being. Power and strength truly can only be found in each individual’s heart. They are not something that can be conferred from without.
Lauri, I would agree, that lone-mothers are certainly a diverse group. However, I would argue that while they are diverse, there are certain structural constraints that work to the disadvantage of all single parents but especially single women with children.
The road to single parenthood may look very different from one family to the next, abandonment, divorce, never having been married, choosing to be a lone parent later in life, teenage motherhood etc. This road would seem to be a determining factor in the education and societal success of a woman and her children. Few of these trajectories would I define as an “individual choice”. But the issue is as complex as it is diverse.
“Almost half of all Canadian single-parent families live at or below the poverty line. Since poverty and illness are inherently linked, it is unsurprising that single mothers suffer more frequently from illness, experience greater disability and report a lower overall quality of life than married mothers. […]
More research is needed, but these studies demonstrate that while income support is crucial for many, it is also critical to address the problems of loneliness, social isolation and lack of parenting support. Speaking personally as the parent of an active 3-year-old boy, I understand how very fortunate I am to not be touched by poverty, and have a partner to share in the upbringing of my son. For lone mothers, that support is simply not available and the spectre of poverty compounds the experience for many.
Although we often speak of single mothers as one distinct group, lone mothers are diverse. This diversity reminds us of an important point often forgotten in public discussions – most single mothers are not depressed or in poor health, despite their disadvantages.
This speaks, I believe, to the resiliency of the human spirit. This must not deflect attention away from the real social problems faced by lone mothers and their children, but at the same time we should remind ourselves not to take a uniformly negative view of their experiences.
As one mother once told me, “It is hard sometimes to always hear about the problems single mothers face. I am okay and my children are doing great. What about the good news?”
(source: http://www.thestar.com/comment/article/288559)
My point is that single mothers and their children are not a social problem to be solved. Every one of them is an individual, and shares with all individuals the reality of being human. So, some are lonely, socially isolated, living in poverty (another “social problem”), while others live what they describe as happy lives.
It is time for all of us to stop defining people’s lives as problems looking for a government solution and start seeing individuals who live as our sisters, daughters, brothers, sons, friends and neighhbours, and doing what we each, as individuals, can do to make life a little better for one another.