I was recently shopping for massage oil for my baby. Rather than read the labels I was selectively sniffing each sampler in my quest for the right smell. Is it surprising that the right baby smell happened to emanate from the “sensual” massage oil? It was almost funny – no, it was downright funny – when the cashier gave me an innuendo-charged look: do I really look like I need help in that department? Do you sell skunk-based massage oil and bath products? Because I’d much rather keep my babies more than 9 months apart. Really.
In the six weeks since my last post, my littlest girl turned 2 months, got really sick with a respiratory virus and is now turning into an adorably pink and chubby heartbreaker. In the six weeks since my last post my biggest girl turned 13 and made me a teenager’s mom overnight. I will write more on that later but for now, I want to tell you how my life has changed since my daughter became old enough to look after her siblings: my husband and I get to go on dates. But dates aren’t what they used to be when we had no children. Here is a snapshot of honest-to-goodness dates my husband and I had in the last three months:
1. The “Grocery”: Put the children to bed and head out grocery shopping. We get to argue about nutritional labels and how much sugar is too much sugar and why I never buy whole wheat rotinis because they remain chewy even overcooked. That’s when my husband realizes that I buy the fancy tomato paste and asks if this is how I squander his hard-earned money and I pretend to start crying and say “aren’t we worth $1.09 to you?” and the single guys with their cart full of frozen pizza and TV dinners think “just when you thought it was safe to go out…”
2. The “24”: Put the children to bed early, get yourself a treat – my husband likes expensive scotch, I like expensive ice cream – and head downstairs to watch our weekly dose of Jack Bauer. We don’t technically need a babysitter for that one.
3. The “Do you come here often?”: A variation of the movie date but we each see a different movie and meet for coffee after. Isn’t that awful? But since we go out to the movies once a year, we might as well see a movie we really want to see. And it’s not like we speak during the movie, right?
4. And my favorite, the “Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?” We figured that one out by accident when there was no table for eight at our favorite restaurant. They set us up on two tables for 4 at opposite ends of the dining room. The four oldest children – three girls and one boy aged 13, 11, 9 and 7 — got their own table, ordered their own meals and sent the bill to our table. Not having to deal with their minor table misdemeanors was so relaxing and we actually got to have uninterrupted adult conversation.
When it comes to keeping your sanity with six children, every little bit helps.
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Andrea adds: Now I understand why married folks have improved health outcomes. You bicker in the grocery store over tomato paste, but you are, after all, in the grocery store, buying tomato paste. I tried doing groceries and being healthy for a good two months in winter just now. It is very time consuming and inevitably left me with healthy leftovers, now stockpiled in my small freezer, which my Polish Wartime Mentality won’t let me throw out. So I have changed my tune, oh yes. Clearly, it is the right of every single person to have cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And then it is my right to demand socialized medicine treat me for scurvy.
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Véronique adds: I dream of eating cereal three meals a day. And according to cereal makers, they are chockfull of vitamins and nutrients!
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Veronique – you never fail to leave me in stitches 🙂
I will gladly and patiently wait out the 6 week intervals for a chance to savour your postings. That doesn’t mean to say that I enjoy the postings of Andrea et al any less than yours. But your common sense, everyday, mother of 6, this-is-real-life attitude is always a wonderful addition to the PWPL pages.
Congratulations yet again on your newest addition. And on maintaining your humour, your sanity, and your joie-de-vivre amidst the frenetic pace of extended motherhood.
And – have you had a chance to go back and get that hot stone pedicure now that you are no longer pregnant? Better hurry before the baby-scent-friendly sensual massage oil leads to a change in that physiological status……
If it makes you feel any better, Andrea, my dad still has cereal for supper a few times a week (and he and mum have been married for 29 years).
So this is what I have to look forward to? Hmm. I’ve been married 8 months but have lived with my husband for only two days now. Looks like things are going to get . . . interesting. Darn it, I’m going to keep eating cereal for whatever meal I want. 🙂
Thank you Cynthia, your encouragement means a lot to me. As for the hot stone pedicure, I had forgotten about that one! Thanks for the reminder. I just spent the last three days on my feet getting my house ready for prime time (we are selling it, or at least trying to). A hot stone pedicure would be sooo good right now…
Deborah, yes, this is what to look forward to. Interesting it surely is!
But I should specify that my husband’s comments about the fancy tomato paste and his hard-earned money are also meant as a joke. Since he has an expensive scotch habit, I usually counter every observation he makes about the cost of essentials by breaking it down in bottles of scotch. Like this: “Yes, the $50 haircut is expensive but it’s like half a bottle of scotch and it lasts way longer…”
The key to a happy marriage is a healthy sense of humour. And the “love and cherish” thing. But mostly humour.
Oh, Veronique, I know exactly what you mean about the scotch already . . . (single malt scotch whisky, to be precise). He should spend £70 on a bottle of scotch but I shouldn’t buy Bounty paper towels? Ha!
We have no lack of a sense of a humour. I threaten to sell his scotch collection to buy shoes, and he laughs and threatens to push me down the stairs. Wait. That can’t be right.
🙂