This item from yesterday’s National Post asks if bullied children should be able to fight back.
Thankfully, none of my children have ever been the victim of bullying. But from I can understand of it, it is (a) a learned behavior; and (b) a spectator sport. In these circumstances, I understand how difficult it can be for schools to eradicate bullying when the bully’s behavior is reinforced both at home and in the schoolyard by silent bystanders. But if a school is not solving the problem and providing a safe environment for all children, can it then blame parents for taking the matter into their own hands?
It’s funny though that when speaking about kickboxing and martial arts, the school boards association’s risk manager would say: “The kid is going into those courses for all the wrong reasons.” Isn’t learning to fight and defend yourself one of the basic reason to take martial arts, and improved self-esteem, physical fitness and coordination welcomed collateral effects? Has our society gone so mushy that learning to defend yourself is now a big no-no?
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Brigitte nods emphatically: Yes, and yes! Getting into martial arts so you can learn to beat people up is wrong. No, gratuitous violence is not good. But learning to defend yourself, and using those skills when forced to, even if it means kicking the snot out of a tenacious bully? You betcha.
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Andrea adds: I got into martial arts because I was scared of Brigitte.
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I don’t have any problem with this. Schools don’t do anything about bullies. They can keep them under control inside the classroom, but as soon as they’re off the campus, it’s a free-for-all, especially if the bully’s parents don’t care, like in the article. The self-esteem building from the martial arts is good too, especially since being bullied really kills that and it can affect school work seriously. The confidence he/she gains from the martial arts in and of itself would really help with that. Just knowing you’re not helpless makes a big difference.
I’m willing to bet he’d only have to kick the snot out of the bully (in defence, of course) only once (and probably not even very hard) to get the bullying to come to a compete stop. Bullies are cowards and typically pick on the little guy who doesn’t look like they’re going to be much of a challenge. He’d learn his lesson then, I hope. Oh, and make sure he yells “stop resisting!”
I’ll one up. My kid is targeted by a NEIGHBOURHOOD bully. Nobody talks about those. There’s no principal to run to if she’s playing at the park and he shows up and tackles her (he’s done that.) She’s autistic. She’s not going to kick the snot out of her tormentor.
His family has no money. What would they lose in a lawsuit?
So we try to keep her away. When he’s out, she has to come inside the house. That’s the reality. My solution is to eventually move into a detached house where I can put up a fence and keep bullies out.
People have the right to protect themselves from injury. That’s fundamental. Kicking the crap out of someone who threw the first punch is not revenge as the school official seems to be saying.. It’s self-defense. If I had a physically capable child who was being targeted outside of school, beyond the eyes of adults and authority, you’d better believe I’d think it was okay to beat him up.
We have to teach our children maturity. Maturity is not letting people beat you up; it’s not about rewarding a bully by not fighting back. Maturity is taking the means to end a potentially harmful situation, and sometimes a good beating is the only solution. Hopefully, it can resolve itself through other means. Sometimes it cannot. There are kids so mean and so dense that they don’t get it.
Violence, though is not the only solution. In my dealings with bullies, I found embarrassment to be a powerful weapon. If you can humiliate a bully, make him lose face for what he did to you, that can do the job. He won’t risk his bruised ego again.
Hmm… it’s the childrens’ equivilent of the gun control debate.