I knew adopting a newborn in North America was not for the impatient. But I had no idea:
The latest federal data show about 6,800 babies a year are relinquished at birth for adoption, a minuscule number out of nearly 3 million unwed pregnancies. Moreover, only white women place their babies for adoption. Since 1989, the number of black babies relinquished at birth has been statistically zero…
Why is “Juno”-style adoption — an unwed mother places her newborn with a unrelated couple — so rare?
Legal abortion is part of the answer. Some 50 million pregnancies have been erased since the 1973 Roe v. Wade ruling…
Adoption, meanwhile, has become unthinkable.
Infant adoption is a “barbaric” practice, said one of many anti-adoption Web sites. “With abortion, grief has closure. With adoption, the grief intensifies over time,” is a common warning.
Closure? According to Webster’s dictionary, closure is “an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality; something (as a satisfying ending) that provides such a sense.” I’ve heard abortion described in many ways over the last few years, but words like ‘comforting’ and ‘satisfying’ never made the cut until now.
It is not my intention to deny the full range of emotions associated with adoption. Rather, I’d like to shout through a bullhorn (preferably while standing on a soap box) that there is no closure involved in the act of abortion. It is disturbing to think that there are anti-adoption organizations out there that preach:
Adoption…is “an industry” in which “young, unwed (and thus powerless) parents are persuaded, through force, coercion or outright lies, to transfer parental rights of their children to older, more affluent couples.”
You know, feminist abortion advocates swear to us up and down that abortion is empowering, and that the idea of coercion is ferociously exaggerated. But when faced with the option of adoption, suddenly women are weak, powerless victims who’s babies are being ripped from their arms.
Am I alone in sensing the cock-eyed perspective here?
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Andrea adds: I have heard pro-life advocates express concern about coercion in adoption, actually. I think coercion certainly exists in abortion, so I don’t think it goes entirely absent in adoption. The pro-life advocate I knew wanted to advocate for girls who are pregnant to become mothers, I think. (I should add that she is not a “barefoot and pregnant” type of woman–you’ll have to take my word on that…) These are tricky questions. I would again default to the notion that we don’t kill to solve our problems, and therefore the anquish of adoption is a lesser burden than the anguish of taking your child’s life.
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Christy Knockleby says
Most of the anti-adoption websites I’ve seen argue for keeping one’s own baby. They don’t suggest abortion. Many anti-adoption advocates are involved in the same type of stuff pro-lifer’s are: encouraging information and resources for young mothers.
There’s pro-adoption webpages that sound just like abortion ads. They talk about how difficult parenting is, how children need two parents, how young girl’s plans shouldn’t be interrupted by having children. I think that sort of rhetoric encourages abortion even if they meant it to encourage adoption. We have to challenge those beliefs.
Its hard, because on one hand, no one says being a teenage mother is ideal, and lots of pro-lifers doubt that single motherhood is ideal either. Also, no one wants to say women should be forced to raise their kids. Adoption lets prolifers claim they still believe motherhood should be a choice.
So on one hand, promoting adoption sounds like the idea solution. No killing babies, but less single teenage mothers either, and no saying that women who unintentionally get pregnant should have to raise their children. But… we shouldn’t ask the anti-abortion advocates to keep quiet about the pain, loss and coercision in adoption, just because we’d like to believe there’s an easy way out of the unplanned pregnancy dilemna.
There isn’t an easy solution to an unwanted pregnancy. I think we need to keep trying to change the context. Create a more mother-friendly world. Work on changing people’s attitudes towards sex and children. Address the reasons there are so many unwanted pregnancies…. all those hard things that both anti-adoption and anti-abortion people want to address.
Meanwhile, some of the changes advocated by anti-adoption people might help improve things for those involved in adoption in the future.
Kyle says
As a resident of Kansas, I know little – make that nothing – about the foster care system in Canada, but in the US there are many children in state care who need families. I don’t think there is a shortage of children needing good homes in North America. I think the shortage is that of ‘perfect’ newborns. I encourage everyone to prayerfully consider welcoming a foster care child into their home.
reality says
“Rather, I’d like to shout through a bullhorn (preferably while standing on a soap box) that there is no closure involved in the act of abortion.”
Of course there is. Don’t be silly.
Why is it that you won’t deny the full range of emotions that come with adoption, but you’re perfectly willing to deny the full range of emotions that come with abortion? Most women who have abortions feel a sense of relief and yes, closure. If you aren’t willing to accept that reality, how can you ever hope to make a difference?
“You know, feminist abortion advocates swear to us up and down that abortion is empowering, and that the idea of coercion is ferociously exaggerated. But when faced with the option of adoption, suddenly women are weak, powerless victims who’s babies are being ripped from their arms.”
This criticism would make more sense if you could point to any feminist group claiming that the option of adoption makes women “weak, powerless victims.” Anti-adoption activists are usually birth mothers speaking from personal experience, not random feminists. Feminist groups don’t typically have anything to say about adoption, pro or con.
Duchess says
“You know, feminist abortion advocates swear to us up and down that abortion is empowering, and that the idea of coercion is ferociously exaggerated. But when faced with the option of adoption, suddenly women are weak, powerless victims who’s babies are being ripped from their arms.”
It also concerns me that women are basically infantalizing other women. We are able to make some of the biggest, most painful decisions of our lives, which would include ending a pregnancy, but when it comes to relinquishing a child for adoption, intelligent, mature, grown women suddenly de-evolve into simple creatures void of any emotional maturity who lack intgelligence and are incapable of making decisions for themselves without claiming coercion. I believe the majority of women scream coercion because they fear being judged by society and especially their grown children who come looking for them. Absolving themselves of responsibility tastes better than accepting they made the best decision they could with what they knew to be true at the time.