Isn’t it ironic that I was not able to post anything on International Woman’s Day, me, the busy working mother of 6? So consider this my Woman’s Day well-wishes, symbolically one day late and rushed (I have 10 minutes, having finished lunches early this morning).
What did I do yesterday? I drove children around while listening to a CBC radio panel on the status of women (listen to it here) The comments of the 25-year-old gave me hope. After the usual milk run of school and preschool drop-offs, I headed shortly into my part-time job on Parliament Hill, having recently downgraded from full-time work in a effort to bring more balance into my life. I say “shortly” because I was just picking-up a few work items to bring home: my toddler has been fighting a string of bugs since January and was feverish. Again.
So what did I, a highly educated female in my prime earning years, do on International Woman’s Day? I was living the dream! Caught between my work and family obligations, missing work to care for a sick child as I have done at least once a week for the last 6 weeks, happily sabotaging my professional ascension to better pay and more serious responsibilities. You may wonder what my husband was doing and why wasn’t he taking time off work to care for the sick child? The reason is simple: he makes, oh, about 10 times more money than I do. To use round numbers, if a day off for me costs our family $10, my husband’s days off cost us $100. And the nature of the beast is that as long as I keep missing work to tend to my family, I will keep making $10 while my husband’s earnings will keep increasing. It’s not rocket science home economics. It’s just cold hard reality. And no government policy, national daycare program or pity pay-outs will change it.
Here’s your International Woman’s Day wisdom from the trenches, one day late and rushed between making lunches and wiping runny noses with my power suit: children need taking care of. Bosses need taking care of. There are 24 hours in a day. Choices have consequences. They are either work-related or family-related. Sort it out. Then deal with it.
You’re welcome.
by 
Way to go, Veronique. If looking after one’s children and helping them to grow into responsible adult citizens isn’t a job worth doing, then we really don’t know what matters. Despite the lack of pay, I am sure you will gather many benefits from those wonderful kids in the years to come.
I guess I have to say this: When people get married, the husband’s pay is no longer his, and the wife’s pay is no longer hers. It’s all theirs.
The way I see it, Veronique is getting paid 55 dollars a day. That’s her husband’s paycheque of 100 dollars and hers of 10 added together and split in two.
This, by the way, is the idea behind family income splitting/taxation. It acknowledges that kids don’t raise themselves and that someone in a family is going to forego income to do so.
Anyway, my two cents. The family is a unit, not a group of individuals who come together for meals once in a while.
It’s also the logic behind spousal support after a divorce. And for the record, this is how my husband and I also approach our family income. This is why the decision to miss work (or compromise earning potential because, as a salaried worker, I do not technically loose my $10) is seen through the lens of the family unit: It costs more to the family to kneecap my husband’s professional reputation than mine. And while everything is not about money, let me tell you that with 6 growing children, 2 of them teenagers, more is better!
It was also the logic behind slowing down my husband’s professional aspirations to allow me to join the fray: we saw me working — somewhat — as a positive element for the family and we put in place a family structure that supported that. It was always seen as a team effort, not a “Eat, Pray, Love” moment. Now that I have some work experience and some excellent references under my belt, I am scaling down my work commitments to develop a freelance career that I consider more appropriate given my family situation. My husband is ramping-up as I am ramping down. Once again, it takes family vision and coordination. It’s a team sport!
I think I should write a book…
You should definitely write a book. As a mother of two young children, I find your comments hilarious (“kneecap” your reputation, classic) and insights helpful and hopeful. Keep keepin’ on Veronique!
Indeed. Veronique, keep keepin’ on… What would we do without you? You do more in a day than I do in a month. (Ok, so I haven’t tallied it in a spreadsheet but I’m pretty sure that this is true of anyone with more than one child. So that includes you too, Jennifer.)