A thoughtful piece by CCBR’s Stephanie Gray:
“I was raped at 16 and had an abortion.”
That’s not what you normally hear from someone you met just a few minutes prior; but I’ve gotten used to it. It seems that almost every time I give a presentation or participate in a pro-life display like the Genocide Awareness Project (GAP) or “Choice” Chain, some wounded woman confides in me a horror story of abuse. And it leads me to believe that sexual abuse is far more rampant than we realize.
I love the quote she used to close her article:
As Archbishop Oscar Romero once said, “This is what we are about: We plant seeds that one day will grow. We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise. We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that produces effects beyond our capabilities.
“We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for God’s grace to enter and do the rest.”
by 
I think it is MUCH, MUCH more rampant than anyone thinks. In fact I believe that even the abusers and the abused don’t even KNOW just how rampant it is themselves, because the abusers don’t think they are abusing and the abused think it is their fault.
There is an extremely fine line between what is rape and what is not rape, and that line is very often crossed, and nothing is done about it, because even though it does have an impact on the person who’s been coerced, they may not realize it right away, they may blame themselves, and they certainly don’t think it is rape. But it is:
http://coucoumelle.blogspot.ca/2013/02/the-very-thin-line.html
This is my story, and the story of too many women that I know, or know of. In a world where sexual freedom is touted, the freedom to say “no” and be respected in that “no” has suffered.
I am going to jump in here and respectfully disagree with you. And I have a story that is similar but different; I was sexually assaulted when I was passed out due to an unfortunate combination of prescription drug and alcohol. It took my a while to realize it was sexual assault because when it happened, I was unconscious and when I came into consciousness, someone was doing something to me and for 15 seconds I actively responded before I knew what was what. after which I said no and struggled and then went out again. Why I responded briefly, I don’t know – but I knew enough to realize that that response was nothing to blame myself for or lessened the actuality of the assault.
The message of the link is too often making the women out to be weak victims who are incapable of taking responsibility for themselves and their actions. If you don’t say no clearly, then it may be understandable why you didn’t and you should learn from it – but it’s not rape. And it is down right insulting to say at a certain point she can’t say “no” because her hormones have kicked in and she is so aroused she can’t say no. And again, arousal is not a one way thing. You participate and you can always stop it if you want to.
Men are not mind readers – how are they supposed to know exactly what you are feeling if you don’t keep saying it? Are they supposed to think that if say you don’t want sex 6 hours ago but since then have been apparently actively cooperating by sticking around you still don’t want it. You may have changed your mind. Or every time is the man supposed to pull out a form with his condom and get your signature that you do indeed want to in triplicate before proceeding.
If you do not say “no” in that particular encounter then it is not rape. It may be misreading of signals on the man’s part, it may be taking too much for granted but it isn’t force. To say otherwise makes women into passive victims with no moral agency or ability to take responsibility for themselves.
I may be wrong but I think saying these situations are rape takes away from real rape when someone did not want it, could not consent and was overpowered by someone who knew clearly that she didn’t want it or or couldn’t want it.