When parents say their children are the true source of happiness and fulfillment in their lives, they may be enacting a psychological defence to justify all the time, money and energy they put into the job, finds a new Canadian study.
The study, published in the journal Psychological Science, suggests parents are idealizing their role to cope with the downsides of being mom and dad — namely, how expensive it is to raise a family.
Not to mention the fact that parents idealize and overemphasize the joys of parenting sometimes to prevent themselves from strangling the apple of their eyes when they’ve stuffed something nasty down the toilet or scribbled all over the walls or peed on their car seat after swearing they didn’t have to go, or when they won’t stop asking one dumb question after another, or [supply your own list of examples here].
Parenting is WORK! It’s hard! And yes, it can get expensive. Nothing that’s worth doing is easy. People do what they can to get themselves through it. That’s because they’re human.
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How is this science..?
I wondered the same thing. How does one prove that another person has exaggerated their feelings of joy? Perhaps they should conduct a study on the lengths to which disillusioned psychologists will go to convince themselves that their research is not complete garbage.
Regardless of whether you can or cannot prove this, the more fundamental question is why present this as an “x OR y” situation. It is entirely possible to hold both points of view. My kids do bring me immense joy AND yes, raising kids requires time, energy and money. I don’t need to justify to myself the requirements. The whole premise is flawed to start with. This is not a duality.