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Oh, I get it!

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Ever since I saw this, I’ve been thinking more about why abstinence is a bad word. Reading this, it became pretty clear. (If you enjoyed that read, you’re in luck. Hundreds of similar articles are published every day.)

If we adults choose to live like an episode of Sex and the City, preaching abstinence to our teens seems outlandishly hypocritical. Gracious, no one wants to be a hypocrite!

That, and “do as I say – not as I do” has never been a very effective parenting technique.

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Brigitte is laughing her little head off: My favourite part in the age-difference discussion?

Family members seem to be a popular gauge on both ends of the scale: ‘They have to be older than my younger brother,’ another woman tells me.
Of course, it also depends on whether you’re planning on doing more than sleeping with the person.  ‘I mean, is it just sex or am I going to have to have breakfast with the guy and attempt conversation?’ a young woman in her 30s asks.

But, our middle-agish woman also had a problem with this distinction. ‘Sleeping with people is a type of relationship, isn’t it?’

Yes, honey, it is.

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Andrea is also laughing:

Having said that, however, as a friend in Vancouver so aptly put it, ‘It is still a great ego boost when a guy ten years younger than you makes it quite apparent that he’s got it bad for you!’

Ain’t no “ego-boost” large enough to compensate for the lack of self-esteem that would allow a woman to think someone younger than her wanting to sleep with her constitutes a compliment. I mean, imagine that… a young testosterone-filled guy wanting to have sex. With me. Sweep me right off my feet.

Students of virginity

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Promiscuity sans consequence is, at its core, a masculine concept. Women require certain measures, such as a regular dose of hormones (AKA: the pill, the patch, the shot, etc…) and when those fail, they claim abortion is a woman’s ultimate right. In other words, modern feminism is all about being more like men. There’s a certain disdain for the reproductive system of a woman, until she’s good and ready to “activate” it. Being a woman is all too inconvenient unless we have access to products and services that keep our ovaries and uterus in check.

Enter Janie Fredell, advocate of premarital abstinence and president of Harvard’s “True Love Revolution.”

If men are commonly more promiscuous than women, it is only because the culture allows it, she said. Fredell was here to turn society around. “It’s extremely countercultural,” she said, for a woman to assert control over her own body. It is, in fact, a feminist notion. Conventional feminism, she explained, teaches that control of your body means the freedom to have sex without consequences — sex like a man. “I am an unconventional feminist,” Fredell said, in the sense that she asserts control by choosing not to have sex — by telling men, no, absolutely not.

Hmm… Is it possible, if women are less willing to “give the milk away for free”, that men will be more likely to practice abstinence, too? If for no other reason, the math makes me think so.

Abstinence is not a dirty word

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Heard a news item on the CBC about rising rates of sexually transmitted infections among young teens. (You can read about it, here.) And what would be the cause of this rise? They don’t get tested.

I would have laughed if it wasn’t so sad. How about young teens are having sex? On goes the CBC reporter: “While abstinence will prevent 100% of sexually transmitted infections…” — I never thought I would live to hear the CBC talk about teen sex and abstinence in the same segment — “… it isn’t for everybody.”

Abstinence may not be for everybody but if I had to take a wild guess at a likely population for abstinence education, 13-year-olds would be my second choice… right after 12-year-olds.

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