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A wise woman

April 9, 2009 by Tanya Zaleski 5 Comments

Had a great conversation with a wise woman today.  This woman, 60-something , mother, grandmother, believer in the true strength of women, was talking to me about how things were “back in the day.”  We were touching on a variety of topics when, suddenly she paused and looked to the ceiling, as if something were written there.

She started again, “Why is it that we don’t see much of this anymore?  You know, all sorts of different people.  I went to school  with a girl who had a hunched back.  And another who’s legs were not the same length. She had to wear a special shoe with a platform.

“There was a family that lived two doors down, and the father’d had his legs amputated.  (I thought twins lived there, one tall and the other short.  I was no older than 4.  I couldn’t understand that sometimes he was wearing his prosthetic legs and sometimes he would walk around without them.)  Well, that family had a daughter, and she was missing that bone between the knee and the ankle.  She was older than me, so I never played with her.

“There was also a boy who would come to our house from time to time.  He had Down Sydrome.  He would come over with a man who worked with my father.

“And I can clearly remember, as a child, that none of these people were strange to me, or odd.  They were just people, like you or I, who simply had something particular about them.  But they were all around.

“Why don’t we see much of them anymore?”

“Well,” I started, “aside from some of the medical advances, many of these conditions are diagnosed during pregnancy.  Children with abnormalities are usually aborted.”  At this point, my eyes began to well up and I stopped speaking.

The wise woman sat back in her chair, as if soaking in the reality of what I had just said.  Her mouth opened, but no words came out.  She took a breath, exhaled, and stated, “That’s the problem with this generation.”  She had my full attention. “You can go to the store and buy a fridge.  For $100 more you can get a warranty.  Why risk it?  Get the warranty!  But people view their children in the same way; like so many commodities.  A man and a woman don’t get together and have a baby to create a family unit.”  She lifted her arms, as though tightly holding a large ball to her chest.  “They should love the family enough that, when they find out the baby is less than perfect, it’s OK.  It’s still their baby.  It’s still their family.”

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: baby-boomer

Conversation with the previous generation

December 3, 2008 by Tanya Zaleski 3 Comments

Met a lovely 60-something woman last week and we ended up on the issue of woman’s rights on a global scale. I could never have planned to get on such a topic with someone I’d only just met. But there we were, talking, over tea, about the self-oppressive mindsets of women in other countries. Did it ever remind me of this article and this post!

I dared: North American women share in this phenomenon. We are plagued with an awful oppressive social mentality here.

She: What do you mean?

I: Well, unless a couple is actively trying to have a baby, any woman getting pregnant in this country is forced to consider having an abortion.

She (sincerely): A woman can’t be forced to have an abortion. It’s up to her! That’s what we fought for! Who forces her to have an abortion? (Perhaps she thought I’d finger the government for snatching girls out of their beds in the middle of the night to perform abortions on them.)

I: Usually, her mate. Many times, a parent. But it’s to be expected. We, the women of North America, expect to have to make that choice. All too many of us are pressured into having an abortion.

There was obviously far more to this conversation than that. What I learned? Women of that generation watched as their fellow women fought and picketed for easier access to abortion. It was a fight women were fighting passionately and finally won. It was women of the baby boom generation getting their big victory. It seemed to rank alongside victories of the suffragettes at the turn of last century. There’s a feeling of pride in that. There’s sense of camaraderie in that.

The hype is louder than the stories of women coerced into abortion. And coercion can be subtle. If a woman is scared her mate will leave her unless she has an abortion, she’s being coerced. If a woman is made to feel guilty, as though she’s choosing an unborn baby over the man she’s currently with, she’s being coerced. And it’s a silent suffering.

We as women in this country can’t admit to being forced into having an abortion. Abortion is supposed to be about a woman’s choice, and we are all supposed to be strong and independent. Admitting we were coerced is admitting weakness.

And if we went ahead with the pregnancy, we sure can’t tell our story: that’s the new baby’s father or grandparent. Sure makes for awkward family dinners, knowing daddy once wished you’d never be born.

I had dinner with the same lovely lady a few days later. She took me aside and said, pointing to her noggin, “you sure had my wheels turning for hours the other night.”

There’s a conversation to be had. We need to talk about abortion.

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: baby-boomer, feminism

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