I always find Kay Hymowitz interesting, even as I say yikes–the dating scene is not that bad.
Here’s the thing: I think you end up embittered and creating web sites called “relationshit.com” when you only ever viewed the opposite sex as a vehicle from whom you can get something, be it sex, marriage, money or status. Seems to me at some point that is going to break down. Seems to me it will break down particularly poorly for one or the other when you start a relationship with sex. But hey–they call me “old-fashioned” while muttering about stealing women’s rights…and baking cookies….while barefoot and pregnant….
Anyhoodle, this quote from the article:
As the disenchanted SYM sees it, then, resistance to settling down is a rational response to a dating environment designed and ruled by women with only their own interests in mind. “Men see all of this, and wonder if it’s really worth risking all in the name of ‘romance’ and ‘growing up,’ ” a correspondent who calls himself Wytchfinde explains. “After all, if women can be hedonistic and change the rules in midstream when it suits them, why shouldn’t men? Why should men be responsible when women refuse to look into the mirror at their own lack of accountability?”
reminded me of a personal exchange I had with a guy I worked with once. He made it clear if I ever repeated this, he’d deny it. He said something like this: “If marriage means being constrained in manners x, y and z and you still have to eat Mister Noodles every night, then what’s the point?” And I see his point.
But then is his deal that his significant other ought to care for him through good cooking? Who doesn’t like good cooking, I ask you? Mmm, mm. Back to my point. Which is that people do not equal a vehicle to fulfill yourself.
People=relationships=hard and messy, sometimes AND good times other times. It’s either/or almost all the time.
(I’d like to dedicate this stream of consciousness to Véronique.)
Brigitte can out-old-fashion Andrea: It’s the old ‘why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free’ thing. Except nowadays guys don’t even have to live with girls – heck, they don’t even need to be ‘in a relationship’ – isn’t that what they call friends with benefits? Free milk on demand?. And the girls are drilled to believe giving it all away in exchange for nothing is ‘liberating’. Pfshaw. I wouldn’t say we’re lacking societal norms. I’d say we got societal norms that stink. Both for men and women. I’m told boys are enjoying themselves. But men are about as disappointed with these newish norms as women are.