An article about how to parent seven children practically screams for a Sound of Music photo
Pride–I know thee well.
This article made me smile in a couple of places. It’s a mom recounting how she makes it all happen with seven children.
I liked this part the best:
It turns out that I don’t need the public presence my pride thinks my talents deserve (and all the smartphones, haircuts, petrol, and trousers necessary for such publicity) for my life to be worth exactly what every human life is worth: nothing to most people, and everything to a few.
(Petrol? Trousers? Hello, UK! Fun.)
My add to what she said: My life is worth nothing to most people, everything to a few, and supremely everything to my Creator. That I live one more day is something I can give thanks for every morning. My life is a gift, even if today it is a congested, sore throat, snivelling, coughing, will-I-live-to-see-another-day kind of gift. (The answer being yes you will! It’s called the common cold and people generally do survive these things.)
Why must I bring a Creator, aka God, into this? Because this mother is valuable to seven more people than I am valuable to, yet that does not, I repeat, DOES NOT make her more valuable than others with fewer/no children. We are each unique created souls, of inestimable worth, and that doesn’t alter based on how many accomplishments we have, how many children we have, how much money we have, how many friends/acquaintances/possessions/athletic pursuits/books writtten/Gold Medal Wins–do I need to go on–that we have.
Ultimately, the pro-life struggle is about convincing each woman who carries a child of her own worth. Men can and should help do this, but since the woman carries the baby, it’s she who must ultimately truly believe she is valuable regardless of circumstance. This is very difficult to do because we live in a world where we are valued for what we do, where we live, how much we make, what our title is. And title, earnings, what we do–these things can and indeed do diminish in the short term when you have a baby. Your title goes UP (with the baby, who will always only ever have one mom) and DOWN with the world. (Yes, I do resent this, somehow, and am working through my thoughts on it. To repeat: Pride, I know thee well.)
Being in Washington D.C. for the past four months taught me a lesson in humility. Yes, I’m a crazy social conservative, and many hold me in disdain. The problem is, being held in disdain is itself a form of recognition, and if I’m honest, I enjoy it. In Canada I am known for what I do. I have a title. I am a bigger fish in a smaller pond. But in the US of A I am one among many, no title, and not known for what I do. People were generally still nice, and some were very, very, very kind. I’d call them out for this but they would be embarrassed and not want the attention. I think they know who they are.
At the same time, I also got to experience Ye Olde “You Don’t Have Anything To Offer Me So Now I Shall Search For Someone New To Talk To” syndrome at events. We all know it. The searching eyes. The “I’ve seen your name tag and now I need to move on.” Oh yes.
It is my hope to get over my pride, to focus on my contribution to making the world a better place, to helping women thrive, their unborn babies live. At risk of sounding religiously self-satisfied, I’d also add this: How much better to get credit where it counts, for the things that really count with the One who ultimately counts.
Over and out. Going to take more cold medication now.
by 
You’re right, Andrea. This is a major battle in the minds of mothers-to-be, but giving birth in no way ends this conflict. Witness the fact that a majority of mothers are working moms – and in the U.S., the maternity leave is often a mere few weeks.
On the other hand, I am far from casting stones on working mothers as the guilty ones. It’s easy to reduce this to pointing fingers and saying “bad mother, she dumped her infant in a daycare”. I’m past that now.
What we need is a major mental shift. We need to reduce the opportunity cost for mothers of being mothers. As long as the opportunity cost of mothering remains as high as it currently is, most mothers will choose to keep their footing in the working world, even if it means that their children will pay the price. These mothers are concerned about their own survival (in the working world) – really, these considerations are very similar after birth as before, only now they pertain to parenting.
Though I wouldn’t call it just pride – I think it is a natural human desire to achieve something in this world, and to be recognized for more than just motherhood. The easier we make it for mothers to fulfil this human desire in their hearts WHILE being mothers, the more involved their parenting will be.
To reduce the opportunity costs of for mothers of being there for their own children, society needs to move past the view that children are primarily a mother’s responsibility. Fathers need to own their share of child care, too – being a dad should be more than a hobby or an occasional “babysitter”. What’s more, we really need workplace reforms to enable moms to provide primary care to their children without losing their footing in the working world. The U.S. is far behind Canada in that regard, and Canada still has a way to go!
Great post, Andrea.