I don’t have a lot of time for “happiness assessment” articles. It seems to me we are so spoiled rotten we just don’t know happiness. We need an introduction. Happiness–hello! Nice to meet you! I’m spoiled, lazy, and overstimulated. We seem to always be seeking an ever diminishing pleasure with ever increasing zeal (CS Lewis paraphrased). We grow bored and we try for a bigger happiness hit. Cocaine, anyone? Now there’s happiness. Is that what science would have us believe?
This article is about how children apparently don’t make you happy. But it also speaks to our prosperity and how that changed the game:
Before urbanization, children were viewed as economic assets to their parents. If you had a farm, they toiled alongside you to maintain its upkeep; if you had a family business, the kids helped mind the store. But all of this dramatically changed with the moral and technological revolutions of modernity. As we gained in prosperity, childhood came increasingly to be viewed as a protected, privileged time, and once college degrees became essential to getting ahead, children became not only a great expense but subjects to be sculpted, stimulated, instructed, groomed. (The Princeton sociologist Viviana Zelizer describes this transformation of a child’s value in five ruthless words: “Economically worthless but emotionally priceless.”) Kids, in short, went from being our staffs to being our bosses.
Having spent the weekend with my delightful, beautiful nieces while the deserving parents went away, I will not idealize what raising children is. (Drinks of water in the night, soothe baby by singing rounds of Amazing Grace, put older niece back in bed who woke up crying, morning! Make breakfast–chocolate chip pancakes because I am the Auntie and I don’t have to be healthy–get dressed, easier said than done–babies are squirmy–SUNSCREEN!! lots of it, it’s hot out, wait a second, have to dress myself–make that into a game for kids who are ready and raring to go out, get cold drinks, snacks, extra clothes, diaper bag, shoes–not that foot, the other foot, not those shoes, the other shoes–and out the door! I WAS A HERO!)
Parents are indeed heroes. And happiness may not even be the point. As we walked to the park my niece asked me to stop and take a picture of the ants. The ants. She pointed them out with her tiny finger, following them on the pavement. I did, in fact, and we have video footage now. I expect this to be a popular film anytime soon. Ants: A Special Part of Most Every Suburban Neighbourhood.
Happiness may not be the point, but there is happiness in kids, if you take the time to notice it. There are some things academics cannot measure.
by 
A great post. In the beginnings of parenthood, certainly, there is a feeling of being overwhelmed. I like to think that gets better with time, but I also realize that my overwhelming moments are less the consequence of me having children and more the consequence of me living thousands of miles away from family. My peers with children who do live closer to family spend nights out, weekends, somedays whole weeks, all alone and reliving their childless days. Auntie Andreas give parents much needed refreshers, so they can come back and enjoy their children anew. If only there were more of them!
“Statistics Canada estimates 15 percent of Canadians live more than a thousand kilometres away from their parents, making shared birthday celebrations, Sunday dinners and school concerts out of the question. If you’re in that crowd, perhaps you left home to pursue an education, further a career, follow your heart or get away from situations that were — or still are — less than ideal.” (source: http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:fIbykKlO7gEJ:www.todaysparent.com/article.jsp%3Fcontent%3D1033625+living+far+from+family+statistics&cd=2&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=ca&client=safari )
If only there were more Andreas! Yes! Wait a second… that’s not what you meant. 🙂
Giving happiness to other’s makes you happy.
Things cannot really make you happy, because things themselves cannot be happy.
I’m just an aunt to and I think the happiness is kind of infectious. I tend to catch it just from watching my nephews. Or even from watching my friends’ children. But maybe it’s more than happiness, something more like joy.
I second Peter’s comment. And I would add that happiness is a transient emotion, while love is a choice, a choice that brings joy rather than mere happiness. Too bad that so many people chase happiness instead of joy.
I am surprised by that article. We have a 3 mo. old who is obviously a tremendous amount of work (especially as a nursing baby), however she has already brought such joy it is almost indescribable. Their definitions of happiness must be seriously skewed. The happiness she has brought to the entire extended family is amazing as well.
Andrea – good for you! My husband’s sister is (very happily) filling that role as well and it is SO appreciated.