I wrote this in today’s Ottawa Citizen. (I dedicate it to all the smart, beautiful, classy, funny, single women I know, who have higher standards than the culture around them, and who desire to be married. These same women are inclined to wonder if they are still single because “there is something wrong with me.” No. High standards is not a fault, neither is living in a culture with low standards.)
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This is brilliant! One would have to be living under a rock to not see what is going on around us. In a generation we have gone from a society where – as when I was in high school in the 70s – young people dated, then “went steady”, got engaged, married, and then moved in together, to a society where people meet, have a couple of dates and are then considered a couple, have sex, move in together and then maybe get married. It was nearly unheard of for people to “shack up”, as my dad puts it.
The good news is, over the past several years, I have met many young adult women (beautiful, talented, intelligent) who aspire to marriage and family, and are saving themselves for their future spouses. They see the value of commitment, of having a shiny gift of purity to offer their husbands. They have set the bar high, and refuse to settle. When I talk to these women, I encourage them to keep that bar set high. They might find themselves surprised that there are men out there willing to win their hearts because of that. Those are the kinds of weddings that are truly special.
Things will only change when both men and women see themselves and each other as individuals demanding dignity and respect.
For my part, I have spent my life looking for a serious man, a man who is purposeful about how he lives his life. The few that I have met have also been married, because that’s who they are. I have little interest in “banding together” with silly girls in order to force even sillier boys to marry. As Suzanne says, things will only change when both men and women see themselves and each other as individuals demanding (and commanding) dignity and respect.