I actually worry about this kind of woman.
I called my male therapist a chauvinist pig when he labeled my childlessness “a biological tragedy.” What seemed tragic was that it took me until my 40s to feel together enough to bear a child. By then it was too late. I feared God was saying: “I offered you the miracle of birth. You don’t get to choose when.”
She bought the line our culture serves. Wait until you are ready! I don’t think egg freezing is the answer, of course, but rather a more laid back approach to life. After all, her mother by her own admission truly had it all. And when you look, I see these role model women all around me. Five children, three children, seven children, and sitting up on a political panel at the top of their game, political commentators, think tankers, doctors, lawyers, speechwriters, etc.
PS. If you are not actually waiting for anything and can’t find a good man to settle down with, this article is not for you. I know plenty of people who don’t think waiting to try for children at 40 is the best plan they could possibly come up with. People–pro-life people, even–can be so insensitive. So. If you want to be married and try for kids and it hasn’t happened, go enjoy what is before you today, regardless of what that might be, planned or unplanned.
These are the shoes you don’t wear with kids in tow, but can wear without. See? Advantages on both sides.
by
Seraphic says
You are so right. For Christians who practice chastity, babies come after the wedding ceremony, not before. And thus no marriage=no babies, a double-heartache.
Melissa says
“I was jealous when friends had children in their late 40s and even at 50, using frozen ova, embryos and via surrogate”
Seems like an awful lot of expensive effort to go about making a baby. My heart goes out to people who struggle wih infertility, but I sometimes wonder, with all these mechanical treatments to infertility, especially surrogacy, if we haven’t opened up a can of worms that causes about as much heartache as it solves. Case in point: the woman in the article with the disabled twins, conceived by IVF. Children conceived by IVF are more likely to have problems than children conceived in the normal fashion.
This sense of entitlement–that you are entitled to have a baby by whatever means necessary, coupled with an infertility industry that is more than ready to take your money, seems to me like a recipe where all sorts of abuses could appear.
Andrea Mrozek says
If you can get your hands on Eggsploitation or Breeders, two documentaries by Jennifer Lahl, we should all reconsider those technologies. Highly recommend.