This just in from a pregnant friend. I think this kind of question is very rude in part because it’s so personal. It also annoys me because it reflects the theme of our age, that apparently we can plan EVERYTHING. I’m not sure what to tell her. My best first reply would be “Why do you ask that?” followed up by “Why do you think that is appropriate to ask?”
Have you ever written about people asking pregnant ladies “Was it planned?” Probably half of the people we’ve told have asked me that, and it’s getting infuriating. Not because of how personal that question is but because I’ve thought about it a lot, and the underlying question is really about whether the baby was wanted and is wanted. Either that or asking if we are sexually irresponsible, which I would actually be more okay with than people questioning whether we want our baby.
Any suggestions on how I can respond in a constructive way as this question continues to come up, so that the asker gets it and never asks someone that question again? When I shared the news with a manager in my department today, she actually just asked “Planned?” with an authoritative and loud voice and kind of an intimidating look, which I think has tipped me over the edge.