Things people discover, I tell ya.
Despite sex education in schools and information from friends, parents, medical professionals, the Internet and the mass media, many young women and men don’t know “sex was supposed to feel good,” says researcher Sarah Flicker, a professor of environmental studies at York University.
She was involved in a major study of more than 1,200 Toronto teens.
The ground-breaking report found the young people surveyed aren’t getting what they want from sex education — information about sexual pleasure and relationships.
[…]
“Over the years, we have gotten a very clear sense from youth that while they appreciate concrete information on sexual health, pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, they have at the same time sensed a lack of attention and discomfort on the part of educators to focus on human relations,” said McKay, who recalls being part of a panel 20 years ago with a group of teens.
“One of the teenaged boys said: ‘We’ve had it up to here with the condom talk. If you want us to use condoms, try talking about relationships and having good relationships’.”
Allow me to go get my crusty old goat hat once again, and ask: Where are the parents? Aren’t they supposed to talk about the importance of having good relationships? That perhaps good committed relationships between people who are somewhat older than 13, have the potential to lead to good sex, not the other way around? Oh, and one more thing: If teenagers are having as much sex as we suspect, and still don’t know it’s “supposed to feel good,” why on earth are they doing it then? Isn’t hedonism supposed to be fun?
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This highlights the fact that their parents are often not in good relationships. Family breakdown is going to be the biggest factor in influencing their children’s behaviour. And with the record number of divorces, it is no wonder that kids have no idea about relationships. It is a terrible statement about our society that they turn to their teachers to give them direction in this, when it is their parents who have failed them.
Julie hit the nail on the head. When you don’t have much for relationship role models in your home, it takes a long time and a lot of mistakes to learn those lessons (boy does it ever).
Far be it from me to look to government schools for solutions to anything, but I don’t think it would hurt for schools to teach about relationships and what makes a healthy relationship. Of course that should start in the home, but often it doesn’t and teaching nothing but the mechanics of safer sex does a disservice. Much of school is such a waste of time so why not at least try to add something that matters to the curriculum? Don’t get me wrong, it is sad that it’s come to this, but the trend won’t be reversed by wishing for a more conservative culture. Still and all, I think at some point young people will look at their parents and think, “I don’t want to end up like that,” and change direction. Call me an optimist…..
I can remember being 13, a freshman in high school, fairly sheltered and part of a conservative family…and after watching Dawson’s Creek and getting in an argument with my dad over whether it was appropriate for me to watch or not, writing in my diary about it and sex and how I really just could not fathom how it was supposed to feel good. It wasn’t until I was probably 15 or 16 before my body was physically where it started to have those desires. (Though I don’t personally know how it would have gone at that point as I didn’t even kiss anyone until college)
I seem to hear so much these days about kids having kids at 13 when I was really still a child at that point. So I choose to take his as an indication that at least some kids aren’t growing up as fast as everyone makes them out to be.