Why I do what we do

I get emails to ProWomanProLife from women who have had abortions from time to time. Some are hostile, some are thankful, some are in between.

I recently got a note from a girl who could be described as “in between.” She told her story. She wasn’t prepared to have a baby she would never hold and give it up for adoption. She wrote she didn’t want to burden her family, and she said she still feels like a child herself. She didn’t want a response, she said, she wanted only to get her thoughts off her chest. She concluded by saying she didn’t think we were prowoman.

I felt sad while reading that note. Because whoever she is, she only did what the world told her she could. And I had to think to myself that in the eyes of many in the world, what she did makes sense. And what we are doing at ProWomanProLife, well, it doesn’t.

Still, her note reminded me of why I am doing what I’m doing. So I’m including the note I sent her in return, below.

Thank you for taking the time to write in with your story. As you say, you just wanted to this off your chest, and so I’m not sure what an appropriate response is. I guess I’d like you to know that I read your letter and I am thinking about it.

I am constantly struggling with what it means to be pro-woman. In a very concrete way, a baby that would delay your studies, cause you to have morning sickness every day, change your life substantially–well, in a way, you are absolutely right. Keeping that baby is not, in the short term, something that appears to be in line with your goals and dreams, and therefore, not very pro-woman.

A bit about me…I am 33 years old, unmarried, no children. One fear is that I’ll never get the opportunity to have children. It has proven easy for me to have a career, and hard to attain personal success, if we could call it that. (Marriage, children.) Forgive me if this is “too much information”–I’m just telling you a tiny bit of my story so that we might meet somewhere in the middle on what it means to be pro-woman. It has been easy to have a career, and hard to settle down into a family, something I now seek, and something I put off for such time as it would be perfect. I’m not sure at this stage of my life that the perfect time ever comes, not as I understand it to be perfect, anyway.

My long term perspective of what “success” means has really altered over the years. Just as the definition of what it means to be “pro-woman” might alter for you… My baseline understanding of this issue is that the child developing is dependent on the mother, part of her, and that there is no “undo” button, so to speak. Namely that abortion may act as a short-term “solution” but your life has been radically changed no matter what. The health and life of the baby is dependent on the woman, but also the health and life of the woman is dependent to some degree on what happens to that child. It’s like a web–and one can’t do well without the other.

We are all on a journey in this life. And everything happens for a
reason. There is purpose in every step. Your pregnancy and subsequent abortion happened for a reason. In the event that one day you look back and wonder whether you did the right thing–I hope you’ll feel comfortable to talk to people around you. There’s actually a web site called Abortion Changes You— Please feel free to write into this site again.
I hope nothing in this note offends you and would look forward to hearing your thoughts in reply, but obviously feel no obligation. From your note you sound like a mature person who has great dreams and goals. I wish you all the best in pursuing those, and a happy Christmas season.

And I wish every reader all the best in pursuing their goals, and a happy Christmas season, and the opportunity to have every success, whatever success may mean.

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