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Free range parenting continued

May 15, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

I’ve been thinking some more about free range parenting particularly as it pertains to safety, or our society’s risk aversion. I think that the extent to which children can be left unsupervised is directly proportional to parents’ ability to count on their neighbors – writ large – to keep her children safe.

My suburban neighbourhood is surrounded by open fields and a small wooded area. Liesl and Kurt, who are responsible for walking Cocker Spaniel twice a day, would love to prowl the open fields but are not allowed… yet. Is this necessary? Probably not. The risk of meeting an ill-intentioned stranger is low but the stakes are high. And more importantly, if my children yelled, would anybody help them? I don’t think so and this is the most frightening thing.

In recent years, two women were murdered by random strangers in the Ottawa area. Ardeth Wood disappeared in August 2003 and Jennifer Teague in September 2005. Some reported the similarities of both cases but omitted an important one: in both cases a witness noticed something amiss, felt uncomfortable about it, figured it was a couple’s dispute and decided to mind their own business. A cyclist saw Ardeth Wood visibly upset being taken toward the forest by Chris Myers. A resident heard Jennifer Teague’s scream as she was abducted at knife’s point by Kevin Davis. Both decided not to get involved. Upsetting as it is, I always wondered if my nausea wasn’t caused by the knowledge that I might have done the same thing in similar circumstances: mind my own business.

My fear is not so much that my children will make unfortunate encounters on the bike paths circling my neighbourhood. But if they did, residents of fancy ravine lots wouldn’t hear them in their sealed, air-conditioned, oasis of splendor. I have lived here for two years and I know one neighbour. I joke that if burglars pulled in my driveway with a delivery truck, they could empty the entire content of my house and nobody would bat an eye. I can drag my kids kicking and screaming through an entire shopping mall without anyone asking if they are okay. “Good!” you tell me? What If I wasn’t their mom?

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: Ardeth Wood, Children, Chris Myers, free range kids, Jennifer Teague, Kevin Davis, murder, Ottawa, Parenting, safety

They’re all sea monkeys

May 12, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

Having recently encountered some serious money ($50), my son Kurt headed to the toy store for his bi-yearly Lego fix. He came home beyond excited announcing that for the first time since learning about the buying power of money he did not buy Lego! Instead, he bought Sea Monkeys. Yes, Sea Monkeys. Complete with a plastic tank, crystallized eggs and fertilizer. Learning that Sea Monkeys were indeed a kind of shrimp, Liesl and I got busy contemplating how we could eventually eat them (would they be better BBQ’d or sauced?) when Kurt, oblivious to our culinary musings, announced that Sea Monkeys could reproduce in captivity. He added, lifting his eyes from the owner’s manual: “For those who don’t want to reproduce, the kit includes a special mating powder!” That was too good to pass. I replied: “Hey, be careful not to sneeze in it near your classmates!” Once he picked himself off the floor laughing, Kurt blurted: “It will be like the day “Quinn” was approaching all the girls in class telling them: “there’s a nice couch in the teachers’ lounge!!!”

Argh. Blah. Speechless…

Where do kids get their pick-up lines these days?

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: Children, sea monkeys, sexuality

Slice of life

May 5, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

I have not been posting much lately and this is not by lack of life issues to comment on. But my thesis is off for revision and while I wait with bated breath for my supervisor’s latest round of “constructive feedback”; I have reverted to a less scholarly, more motherly, daily schedule. Liberated from self-imposed laptop bondage, I find that the opportunities to write are getting fewer while the need for distraction is getting, well, non existent. Life as a full-time mother of five is a never-ending succession of distractions.

I usually write my posts between 6 and 7 am over coffee. Over the last month, a full shift of construction guys has been pouring into my house at 7:30 sharp, making sitting at my computer in my P.J. a non-option. Not so much because I care about my looks – I believe that seeing housewives in their jammies is an occupational hazard when you start working so darn early – but because of the male toddler and his faithful sidekick Cocker Spaniel who feel that power-tool wielding construction guys should be followed everywhere. Since I don’t like a boring life, I woke up one morning and decided that now was as good a time as any to potty-train said male toddler. My performance on the toddler-grab 15 meters dash is improving and so is my 2 year-old’s toilet-to-underpants pee ratio. Now, if I could only train the construction guys to put back the seat adjuster once they are done, my life would be (almost) complete. Do you think I should give them Smarties too?

Since this is a prolife blog, I could not sign off without a bit of prolife news: two of my dearest friends gave birth in the last week to babies over 11 pounds. My hat goes off to two hard working women who give the “miracle of birth” a whole new dimension!

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: Children, everyday life, potty training

Children and happiness, continued

April 7, 2008 by Andrea Mrozek Leave a Comment

The book is called Gross National Happiness. Read more about it in The Economist here. Some snippets:

Even if children are irksome now, they lend meaning to life in the long term. And the kind of people who are happy are also more likely to have children.

Not exactly a resounding endorsement, but I’ll take it. But the article actually makes the point that conservatives are happier than liberals:

…the data show that American conservatives have been consistently happier than liberals for at least 35 years. This is not because they are richer; they are not. Mr Brooks thinks three factors are important. Conservatives are twice as likely as liberals to be married and twice as likely to attend church every week. Married, religious people are more likely than secular singles to be happy. They are also more likely to have children, which makes Mr Brooks confident that the next generation will be at least as happy as the current one.

Church, marriage and children make you happy? I thought they make you embittered, tired and fanatical. I’ll have to get at his primary sources.

_____________________________________

Tanya adds: Oh, you know what they say! Those conservatives need to put on a happy face, lie to themselves and everyone else, to make everyone believe they are happier. It’s the secret code. I’m playing devil’s advocate, obviously. But, lo and behold, that is what they say! Look at the very first comment about the article:

By emoting an air of real or put-on happiness, [conservatives] are more likely to keep themselves in, and even sell to others, a sense of stability as things are now thus promoting their cause.

_____________________________________

Rebecca adds: It all depends how you define happiness. The definitions I like are the Aristotelian one, which can be boiled down to “happiness is living a life you can be proud of” or moral self-approval, and also John McCain’s:

I discovered that nothing is more liberating in life than to fight for a cause that encompasses you, but is not defined by your existence alone. And that has made all the difference, my friends, all the difference in the world.

A life that includes building a family, and preparing your living arrows to go out and make the world a better place, of putting the well-being of your children, family and community ahead of your own transient wants and desires, provides for many of us moral self-approval and also a cause greater than ourselves. If this is what you want out of life, I think it’s a safe bet that children will increase your happiness.

 

By contrast, for many people today “happiness” is essentially a synonym for hedonism, and is pursued by avoiding anything that might bring even a moment’s discomfort or self-sacrifice. If you define happiness as “never feeling sad, tired, foregoing a pleasure or taking on a burden,” then parenthood might not be your cup of tea.

 

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: Arthur Brooks, Children, Gross National Happiness, happiness, indexing, The Economist

Sex-ed in the 21st Century

March 31, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

My children Liesl, Kurt, Martha and Brigitta are sitting silently in the dentist’s waiting room, filling-out their health questionnaire. Kurt glances up and asks the million dollar question every parent dreams of being asked in public:

“Mommy, what are Cialis and Viagra?”

Me, clearing my throat, thinking very fast: “Drugs. You aren’t taking any.”

Kurt: “What kind of drugs?”

Me, thinking very fast at a G-rated explanation of erectile dysfunction: “They’re for adult males who have sexual problems.”

Liesl: “Gross…”

Martha: “What are adult males? What sexual problems?”

Me: “Males about the age of Daddy?”

Brigitta: “Daddy has sexual problems?”

Liesl: “Oh, look at the time…”

Me, looking at the receptionist in despair: “Isn’t one of the kids due for a cleaning right about NOW?”

Sex-ed in the 21st century: it’s all about opportunities. They are literally everywhere.

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: Children, Cialis, erectile dysfunction, sexual education, Viagra

Common reasoning

March 26, 2008 by Tanya Zaleski Leave a Comment

Here is a perfect example of the type of argument I find hard to swallow.

…the anti-abortion campaign is a scare tactic, not a pro-life lesson. If we want to debate children’s rights, let us look at all the neglected, abused and lost children who need loving homes.

Sadly, it seems that a woman can have numerous children to increase her welfare cheque…

This is a recurring thought. Let me point out, then, that abortion is legal in Canada, and that neglected children remain. How can this be? If abortion is legal and accessible, shouldn’t the problem of “unwanted” children be solved? However, the number of children in foster care increases exponentially every year. (There are currently over 76,000 children in foster care in Canada.)

Let’s face facts. Abortion has not created a society where “every child [is] a wanted child,” as the Planned Parenthood slogan goes. Rates of child abuse and numbers of foster-children have only increased since legal abortion became part of our national profile.

Is it safe for me to say, as it has been suggested many times before, that abortion has offered a skewed view of the value of children within our society? Could it be that our country has it all wrong? Maybe, just maybe, devaluing unborn children has caused Canada to under-appreciate the value of all children. Who dares call that a scare tactic?

___________________

Andrea adds: That same letter writer says this:

The CCBR website offers a number of convincing but fundamentally wrong arguments. When anti-abortion gimmicks stop, and pro-life rationale presents itself in the abortion debate, I will be on board…

Really? For years and years and years the pro-life movement has been offering nothing but a sound rationale–reasoning up and down the block, reasoning that runs circles around pro-choice arguments. That letter writer may take issue with the Genocide Awareness Project; I know many reasonable people who do. But she says she’s on board if only pro-lifers could present arguments “minus the propaganda.” Well, this is her lucky day: I can personally refer her to any number of pro-life groups that do nothing but that, and have done so, day in, day out for years on end.

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: child abuse, Children, foster care, foster children, scare tactic

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