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“Hey Cos, do something, call me a cab!”

June 2, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

“OK, you’re a cab.”

Saturday evening, my oldest daughter and I indulged in a late night viewing of Singin’ in the Rain. We like older movies. I like older romances, Liesl likes vintage war movies like The Devil’s Brigade. Both of us love Singin’ in the Rain.

I like watching movies for pure entertainment, but I can never quite turn my mother-radar off. As Liesl grows into a young woman, finding movies that appeal to her maturing tastes while communicating positive values is increasingly challenging. Liesl’s brother Kurt – who is only a year younger – is more of a “special effects” kind of guy. The technology involved in making movies matters more than the storyline: “smooching” is generally frowned upon and character development fast-forwarded when not altogether absent. At any rate, I like when male characters sweep their female counterparts off their feet before dropping them at their doorstep – but no further – with nothing more than a kiss. But yesterday I found yet another reason to like 50-year-old movies:


 

Isn’t it striking how the image of the female body has changed since 1952? When women were still allowed to have hips and thighs, just to name two body parts that have now been expunged from entertainment?

 

If only to bring this point home, last weekend was Brigitta’s dance recital. Argh. The dancing was grand, I’ll give them that. But the costumes? Some of them were cute, most of them were ridiculous and four routines were all-time worst dance outfit chart toppers. Vile. My brother-in-law excused himself from recital duty saying that one had to be a pervert to sit for two hours looking at little girls prance around in swimsuits. My father, who takes recital duty very seriously, was not amused by the suggestion. Nonetheless, I felt uncomfortable at times looking at teenage femmes fatales dance to the James Bond theme in fishnet stockings and leather bras. What I found most disconcerting however was the apparent disregard of those who pick the outfits for those who don’t fit in them. The girls making-up the dance school’s clientele are in large part suburban little girls looking to have a good time, not professional dancers. Some outfits served no other purpose but to showcase why some little girls will never be prima ballerinas. The body types have not changed since Singin’ in the Rain, only the expectations have.

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: body image, Cathy Selden, female, Lena Lamont, movies, Singin' in the Rain

Thoughts on equality or lack thereof

May 29, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

I heard about this latest bit of pro-abortion news yesterday afternoon. Normally, I would have been seized by the urge to blog. But I have been flying solo this week, taking the full brunt of running the household while my husband is out of town. Not to mention finishing my [expletive deleted] LL.M. thesis and looking for gainful employment. I am tired. And suddenly, I was overcome by a feeling that the battle had been lost, that everything had been written, every argument laid out, and still, people didn’t care.

 

But when I heard that the said award had been granted for “outstanding service to humanity and for his contribution to the cause of equality for women” the feeling of hopelessness was quickly replaced by an overwhelming urge to yell at someone. I tried writing, I did. But I couldn’t write anything that wasn’t seasoned with a generous dose of profanities. Out of respect for our beloved readers, I chose to run 5 km during my daughters’ gym class before heading home at 9 pm to make lunches, clean the kitchen, run a load of laundry, sign permissions, take out the trash, read bedtime stories, and watch three consecutive episodes of Jon & Kate +8 while checking my emails. In the end, I went to bed way too late to be angry and am therefore in a much better disposition to write a well-balanced thoughtful post. Well, we’ll see.

 

Equality for women. The cause of equality for women. And what would be abortion’s contribution to equality for women? We hear it so much we no longer pause to wonder “oh yeah? and why is that?” This is not a rhetorical question. We need to reflect on the underlying assumptions of making abortion an “equality” issue. Because if equality between men and women really hinges on access to abortion, we are a lot farther behind achieving meaningful equality than we flatter ourselves to be. Women need abortion to be equal in order not to be weighted down by children.

 

This premise contains, at first glance, two important inequalities. The first one being that men are not (or shouldn’t be) weighted down by children. The second one being that children are social dead weight. I believe that thoughtful abortion advocates would see clearly through the inequality of equality through abortion but would counter-argue that in the present circumstances, it is unfair to make women bear the brunt of our social inertia. But what pro-woman pro-life advocates see is that equality has been achieved at the cost of fairness and that access to abortion has only promoted the inferiority of women as bearers of children. The vicious circle has to stop an we need to make women equal as they are — with a uterus and all — not as society wishes them to be.

 

Equally problematic is the notion that equality in society is somehow “granted.” Think about it: we have “achieved” equality with access to abortion. Shouldn’t we just “be” equal? Doesn’t the very idea of having to achieve equality fundamentally unequal and unfair? It would be equivalent to saying that immigrants achieve equality once they become white, anglo-saxon and Protestant. What kind of equality is that?

________________________________

Tanya adds:

Tanya points out from the link above:”The court’s ruling in 1988 declared the law that prohibited abortion to be unconstitutional, thus confirming women’s reproductive rights.”

Let’s not wonder why there’s misunderstanding over the fabric of the abortion issue in this country.

To correct the above phrasing, the court’s ruling in 1988 declared the law that regulated access to abortion to be unconstitutional. Over 20 years later, and no new law regulating access to abortion has been passed, contrary to the wishes of the Supreme Court. “thus confirming” nothing…nothing at all. On se permet des choses, en tout cas!

 

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: abortion, award, Canadian Labour Congress, equality, Henry Morgentaler

My local grocery store, bullet-style

May 26, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

Seen while stocking-up on lunch supplies last Saturday:

 

  • One seafood counter employee cleaning his workspace with a mean-looking hose. Floor is cement with a drain in the middle. Dream of a house made of cement with central drain. At the end of the day, hose down kids with dishes, counters and floors.
  • $0.79 broccoli. Not newsworthy unless you noticed the $3.77 broccoli two days prior. Some say global food crisis. I say somebody was out to make a quick buck on broccoli, ended up having too much broccoli to sell.
  • One lanky pre-pubescent boy with a t-shirt saying “Sugar Daddy.” Thanks but no thanks. Not today. Not ever.
  • One grown 40-something woman with a “Grey’s Anatomy” cropped t-shirt. Klassy. Not that I haven’t been known to watch the show. But it’s terrible what two years of graduate studies in bioethics does to one’s appreciation of medical dramas.
  • One Filipino nanny, grocery shopping with her young charge. On a Saturday afternoon. I comfort myself believing that the child’s parents probably work weekends. My experience with acquaintances employing immigrant live-in nannies tells me that this is not likely the case.
  • Many “worst beach bodies” on display near the cash registers. Am reminded that I can easily forgo fame and fortune if it comes at the cost of seeing my cellulite splashed across North-American gossip rags. Am ashamed that the world I live in gives a market to that kind of news, thus telling my daughters that how they look in a bikini is actually relevant.

Your local grocery store: a never ending source of entertainment.

Filed Under: All Posts

Free range parenting continued

May 15, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

I’ve been thinking some more about free range parenting particularly as it pertains to safety, or our society’s risk aversion. I think that the extent to which children can be left unsupervised is directly proportional to parents’ ability to count on their neighbors – writ large – to keep her children safe.

My suburban neighbourhood is surrounded by open fields and a small wooded area. Liesl and Kurt, who are responsible for walking Cocker Spaniel twice a day, would love to prowl the open fields but are not allowed… yet. Is this necessary? Probably not. The risk of meeting an ill-intentioned stranger is low but the stakes are high. And more importantly, if my children yelled, would anybody help them? I don’t think so and this is the most frightening thing.

In recent years, two women were murdered by random strangers in the Ottawa area. Ardeth Wood disappeared in August 2003 and Jennifer Teague in September 2005. Some reported the similarities of both cases but omitted an important one: in both cases a witness noticed something amiss, felt uncomfortable about it, figured it was a couple’s dispute and decided to mind their own business. A cyclist saw Ardeth Wood visibly upset being taken toward the forest by Chris Myers. A resident heard Jennifer Teague’s scream as she was abducted at knife’s point by Kevin Davis. Both decided not to get involved. Upsetting as it is, I always wondered if my nausea wasn’t caused by the knowledge that I might have done the same thing in similar circumstances: mind my own business.

My fear is not so much that my children will make unfortunate encounters on the bike paths circling my neighbourhood. But if they did, residents of fancy ravine lots wouldn’t hear them in their sealed, air-conditioned, oasis of splendor. I have lived here for two years and I know one neighbour. I joke that if burglars pulled in my driveway with a delivery truck, they could empty the entire content of my house and nobody would bat an eye. I can drag my kids kicking and screaming through an entire shopping mall without anyone asking if they are okay. “Good!” you tell me? What If I wasn’t their mom?

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: Ardeth Wood, Children, Chris Myers, free range kids, Jennifer Teague, Kevin Davis, murder, Ottawa, Parenting, safety

Free range parenting

May 14, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

An interesting article in yesterday’s Globe & Mail about “free range parenting”, read it here. I meant to blog about it yesterday but was too busy driving my children to their Mandarin and Eastern art appreciation classes. Just kidding!

Seriously, Tuesday is one of two days out of seven where our children don’t need to be driven somewhere. This will change radically as soccer season starts: three of our children have soccer practice on Tuesday in three different locations. We are working overtime on teleportation and ubiquity. Hopefully, the device will be ready for next week. Yeah…

In light of this unfortunate (read “untenable”) situation, the article made me wonder if I was not just a little guilty of hyper-parenting. But there is more to hyper-parenting and supermomdom than meets the eye. This year has made me eat back every nasty, eye-rolling, head shaking comment I’ve ever uttered against Parents-who-do-this-to-their-kids when my three daughters got heavily involved in dance and gymnastics. As it turns out, some kids do it to themselves. And why shouldn’t they? If you are “blessed” (or should I say “cursed”?) with children who have particular physical or creative abilities, you can’t count on schools to get it out of their systems. Art, languages, sports have all been cut from the Ontario curriculum. And there is no way street soccer can replace the level of physical activity that my pint-sized gymnast needs to be happy (she trains 7.5 hours a week at age 6, don’t shoot until you’ve met her). What is a parent to do when Little Sunshine wants to do more gym, or more dance, or more drama? Fill the form, write the cheques and drive the car, that’s what you do.

But heavy involvement in activities doesn’t have to mean rushed meals, non-existent family time and homework woes. A little organization – and some willful blindness – goes a long way in ensuring that things are done around the house. I make suppers during the weekend, I jog during gym class – which gets me healthy AND walks the dog in one convenient package – I shop for groceries during dance class, I make arrangements for carpooling. But more importantly, there is no tv, computer or video games during weekdays, meaning that the children still get plenty of down time to toss a soccer ball, goof around and relax. Hey, they even have been known to do their homework out of sheer boredom! As for me, I could definitely use some non-graduate-studies-induced boredom. But this too shall pass, I’ll sleep when I’m dead, yadda, yadda. Really, my kids will be in their mid-twenties when I’m in my mid-forties and I know I’ll miss these crazy years.

There is 24 hours in a day for everybody, even super-moms. What you do with them is up to you.

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: activities, free range kids, Globe & Mail, hyper-parenting, super mom, time management

They’re all sea monkeys

May 12, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

Having recently encountered some serious money ($50), my son Kurt headed to the toy store for his bi-yearly Lego fix. He came home beyond excited announcing that for the first time since learning about the buying power of money he did not buy Lego! Instead, he bought Sea Monkeys. Yes, Sea Monkeys. Complete with a plastic tank, crystallized eggs and fertilizer. Learning that Sea Monkeys were indeed a kind of shrimp, Liesl and I got busy contemplating how we could eventually eat them (would they be better BBQ’d or sauced?) when Kurt, oblivious to our culinary musings, announced that Sea Monkeys could reproduce in captivity. He added, lifting his eyes from the owner’s manual: “For those who don’t want to reproduce, the kit includes a special mating powder!” That was too good to pass. I replied: “Hey, be careful not to sneeze in it near your classmates!” Once he picked himself off the floor laughing, Kurt blurted: “It will be like the day “Quinn” was approaching all the girls in class telling them: “there’s a nice couch in the teachers’ lounge!!!”

Argh. Blah. Speechless…

Where do kids get their pick-up lines these days?

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: Children, sea monkeys, sexuality

Pro-life demonstrators? What Pro-life demonstrators?

May 9, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

Ottawa March for Life 2008

In local Ottawa news yesterday, 2 broken water pipes caused traffic nightmares. But if you were driving through Ottawa’s downtown core, as I was, in the afternoon, you could not miss the 8,000 marchers who paralyzed circulation around Parliament Hill. CBC radio was probably caught in some “ethical” dilemma, having to choose between reporting what goes on in Ottawa – 4 main downtown arteries filled by 8,000 people – and having to acknowledge pro-life demonstrators. Because driving down Metcalfe around 2 pm, I was shocked by the size of the March for Life. Up came the 2 o’clock local newscast and I was thinking “For sure, they’ll have to mention the march, if only to accuse it of clogging up downtown!” But no! Not a word! Not a word at 3 pm either. Not a word. The broken water pipes got the royal treatment.

See no evil Hear no evil
__________________________
Tanya adds: The Ottawa Citizen didn’t have a problem accepting money to advertise for the March for Life, though. Ahh, scruples…

http://shopping.ottawacitizen.canada.com/ROP/ads.aspx?advid=836404

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: 2008 March for Life, CBC, Media, Ottawa

Breastfeeding and intelligence

May 6, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

Now, I know that this is a prolife blog and breastfeeding isn’t technically prolife material. But hey, unborn babies eventually need to be fed. The link may be tenuous but here I go.

Like everything childbirth, those who have had the great privilege of (a) giving birth, and (b) deciding how to feed their infant, know that there is no easier way to be shot at than to unravel the breast vs bottle issue. (Well, actually, prolife blogging is a pretty sure-fire way of being called names–I would link to some of them but it seems that most pro-abortion bloggers cannot criticize without a generous helping of profanities, at least those who link to us.) But back to breastfeeding. McGill researchers have just published a study linking breastfeeding to higher intelligence. Read the news release here.

Now, for the disclaimer: I have 5 children, all of them were breastfed to a certain extent. 3 of them had their first bottle by their 3rd week, one of them was supplemented with formula from birth. Some of them were weaned the hard way, some of them weaned on their own. I’ve had about every breastfeeding joy and tribulation found in books and even some not found in books. And, dare I say it, all my children are brilliant AND cute as buttons. I honestly don’t care how you fed your baby nor for how long you breastfed. I only care that you fed your baby and if not, that child welfare authorities have been notified. Okay?

Back to McGill researchers. What I find interesting is that breastfeeding has been linked to higher intelligence. Given that breastfeeding is how human babies should be fed in the big scheme of things, shouldn’t we say that breastfeeding is linked to normal intelligence and artificial feeding linked to lower intelligence? On that topic, I found this article very interesting. Warning: do not follow the link if you don’t want to be challenged on breast vs. artificial feeding or if you can’t stand a white font against light blue background.

__________________________

Andrea compliments Véronique on her amazing knack for putting together a line of almost non-sequiturs and keeping me interested and laughing in the process. And I don’t even have children to feed. But I won’t read the link because of the light blue background–and their choice of font. Terrible.  

__________________________

Rebecca’s theory on breastfeeding and IQ: the intelligence flows straight out of the maternal brain, out the mammaries, and into the baby.

__________________________

 

Patricia adds: Hear, hear, Rebecca.

I have nursed to some degree or another all five of my kids, in most cases up to about 13 months. (All of my kids seemed to have lost interest at about that stage.) Each time, the first three months have been a grueling ordeal with pain rivalling childbirth and a host of attendant complications most of which are too gruesome to relate. Over the years, I have had help from professionals, La Leche, my breastfeeding friends, etc., so mine is not a case of being uninformed or unsupported. And, finally, every time, I have wondered why I insist upon putting myself, my husband, my other kids and my baby through the process, and I’m still not 100% sure that I did any of us any favours.

I’m read the press release from the McGill study and, while I’m no expert, I was not convinced that their “control” eliminated all the biases in favour of a certain type of mother. According to the press release, the study was “randomized by taking half of the mothers and subjecting them to “an intervention that encouraged prolonged and exclusive breastfeeding” while the other half of mothers continued with their usual maternity hospital and outpatient pediatric care and follow-up. Well, what type of mother do you think was most persuaded by the intervention in support of breastfeeding? I suspect it was mothers who accept that “what is best for their child” is what is recommended by a certain kind of expert, who relies more on those experts than the experience of her mother, who has the time and support to give to the breastfeeding process, who can persist when it doesn’t go well initially, who takes advantage of lactation consultants, etc. And I wonder how often this type of mother has a certain kind of intelligence and a certain determination to interact and stimulate her child that results in that child, at age 6.5, to do well in certain measures of intelligence.

There are all kinds of reasons to breastfeed – my personal favourite is that it’s cheap. (You might think it’s free, but I have such a voracious appetite when I’m breastfeeding that I’m sure there is an added grocery cost.) When it works, it’s lovely and convenient. But then, so is snuggling up to give your baby a nice, peaceful bottle, especially if it provides you with a break from stomach-churning pain. Let’s face it, infant formula has been around for a long time and was developed for a reason.

What I think really bothers me about the “breast is best” argument is that, for many, many women, it seems to set such a high standard of motherhood so as to make it unattainable, impractical, or something that they may undertake once, under the right conditions, but not something that they would want to have part of their lives on an ongoing basis. I’m sure that any woman who saw me weeping and literally gnashing my teeth as I struggled to overcome the pain involved with getting my infant to eat would think “thanks but no thanks” to whole process. To me, the whole argument has an association with a view of childrearing that says “we must have to best at all costs for our little prince/princess” from breast feeding at any price to the dupioni silk baby carrier (I saw one the other day when I was trying to buy a bib for my youngest). And if you can’t provide that, you’re really not trying hard enough to fulfill your child’s entitlement to the “best”. In some ways, that’s a very worthy standard, but it pretty much guarantees that having child will be seen as some extraordinary undertaking rather than part of everyday life.

And don’t even get me started on natural childbirth (which, incidentally, all of mine were, not by intention, believe me) or attachment parenting.

__________________________

Tanya agrees: Oh, Patricia, thanks for bringing that up. Didn’t I just feel like the devil the first time I hopped my 2 week old baby up on formula. When you are pregnant, no one seems to mention that breastfeeding might actually be really, really hard.

Here’s a good gauge, now that I have valuable hindsight: If you want to crawl under a rock every single time your newborn cries of hunger, you’re not alone. Breast is not best if it makes mom lose her sanity.

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: artificial feeding, bottle feeding, breastfeeding, intelligence, language, McGill, Media

Having fun with image databases

May 6, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

Been browsing the History of Medicine Division of the U.S. National Library of Medicine image database in preparation for a presentation on c-sections. Of course, when you type “birth” in the keyword field, you get images about — no, not birth — birth control. This ad from Planned Parenthood was too good to pass. So giving out information about the physical and emotional complications of abortion is a scare tactic but this isn’t, eh? Still, pro-life kudos to PPH for recognizing (for once?) that women don’t get pregnant on their own.

_____________________________

Andrea adds: I find this ad fascinating–what year is it from? If the feathered hair is any indication, I’m going to guess the 80s. The thrust of pro-choicers today is very different from the spirit of this ad. Today, abortion is private. A woman’s matter. Men don’t matter. The pro-choicers of yesterday, then, were more sensible–if I don’t get pregnant on my own, how come the whole thing is so very private in the end?

_____________________________

Véronique searches but: I couldn’t find the year. It said Utah Planned Parenthood, 19– 

My guess would be the 80s too.

_____________________________

 

Tanya objects: Let’s not knock this ad too much.  It may be what inspired maternity-wear designers to bring out jeans for pregnant women.  Seeing this, they surely said to themselves: “If a man can pull off something other than a mu-mu or overalls while pregnant, surely a woman can, too!”

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: Birth control, image, Planned Parenthood

Slice of life

May 5, 2008 by Véronique Bergeron Leave a Comment

I have not been posting much lately and this is not by lack of life issues to comment on. But my thesis is off for revision and while I wait with bated breath for my supervisor’s latest round of “constructive feedback”; I have reverted to a less scholarly, more motherly, daily schedule. Liberated from self-imposed laptop bondage, I find that the opportunities to write are getting fewer while the need for distraction is getting, well, non existent. Life as a full-time mother of five is a never-ending succession of distractions.

I usually write my posts between 6 and 7 am over coffee. Over the last month, a full shift of construction guys has been pouring into my house at 7:30 sharp, making sitting at my computer in my P.J. a non-option. Not so much because I care about my looks – I believe that seeing housewives in their jammies is an occupational hazard when you start working so darn early – but because of the male toddler and his faithful sidekick Cocker Spaniel who feel that power-tool wielding construction guys should be followed everywhere. Since I don’t like a boring life, I woke up one morning and decided that now was as good a time as any to potty-train said male toddler. My performance on the toddler-grab 15 meters dash is improving and so is my 2 year-old’s toilet-to-underpants pee ratio. Now, if I could only train the construction guys to put back the seat adjuster once they are done, my life would be (almost) complete. Do you think I should give them Smarties too?

Since this is a prolife blog, I could not sign off without a bit of prolife news: two of my dearest friends gave birth in the last week to babies over 11 pounds. My hat goes off to two hard working women who give the “miracle of birth” a whole new dimension!

Filed Under: All Posts Tagged With: Children, everyday life, potty training

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