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Children–or the lack thereof

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I am 39 and I have no children. I have never been asked why. I have never been asked whether I want children. I have frankly never been engaged in any discussion of my childless state unless it is with close friends.

That’s why this article is surprising to me. Magenta Baribeau, childless by choice, is clearly travelling in different, less sensitive circles. I don’t think “why don’t you want children” or the like are questions to be asking people you only know for 22 seconds, as she puts it.

Could it be that she is courting the questions by making her decision not to have children into an ideological movement?

Could it be that people intuitively know “some things are not a choice” (one of my most favourite pro-life slogans) and balk at a confident assertion that they are?

Some women have children. Others don’t. You’ll have a hard time convincing me that in our era of below-replacement fertility, it’s a brave and bold thing to not have children. Lots of people don’t.

Furthermore, we tend in life to regret the things we haven’t done, not the things we do, which either are positive or, if negative, we morph into learning experiences. Outside the contentious area of having children this remains true.

So strictly speaking, whoever is telling her she might regret it some day could be right. The same way you might regret not trying a new job, or not dating a particular guy who in hindsight seemed great, or not taking up an offer to try anything new.

It’s not terribly judgmental to say so, and I maybe I can say that with more moral authority than someone with six children in their family van.

Anyways, that’s not the point of this post. Here’s the point: She clearly identifies that abortion is her backup birth control, should she ever get pregnant. If she and her partners aren’t consistently careful, someone has to die to maintain her childless state.

Q. Do you think that if you got pregnant, your opinion might change? Is that possible?

A. If I do get pregnant I will have an abortion. I’ve never had an abortion in my life, I’m very careful. So if the hormones would change my mind, I don’t know how that would affect me. But nothing in the world could happen to make me change my mind.

This is a controversial thing to point out. That abortion is now and has been for a while used as birth control. That’s what she is saying.

In general, it seems she wants everyone to applaud her for something that is mundane. We applaud the people who climb Mount Everest, not the people who prefer, like Hobbits, to eat tasty food in our warm living rooms, where it is perfectly safe. Don’t get me wrong. I love Bilbo Baggins with the best of them. Yet, I refuse to applaud her “movement.” No one must have children but there are limitations on that as a “right”–the limitation being that in seeking out a childless life, she can’t harm someone else (ie. in abortion). That’s the hard limitation on her worldview. If you are childless, no one has a problem. But when you make it into a lifestyle movement, you run up against common sense.

Barbie

What do women’s rights mean when asserting them means denying our fertility/biology to the point of death?

 

Get with the times

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If you think the Pill is the end all and be all of contraception, you need to get with the times. Check in with some of the groups that are teaching women about their bodies without requiring them to take a hormone every day.

The Red Tent Sisters are doing good work. The Creighton Model offers really great, cohesive fertility awareness that works with your body, not against it. There’s more info here, too.

Left wing, right wing, Christian, atheist, there are better options than the Pill.

Ditch the Pill

RedTentSisters.com are asking you to ditch the Pill. And wear a fabulous, fun dress in a field.

Following Christian rules

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Glennon

Glennon Doyle Melton, Momastery

There are a lot of people who are confused about what it means to be Christian. It’s because there’s too many of us who go to the party and refuse to dance. (This is a five minute YouTube clip so please don’t subject it to a theological treatise. Just dance. It’s Sunday; Christians should dance.) (h/t)

Let’s talk–really talk–about abortion

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Cecile Richards

Planned Parenthood CEO Cecile Richards wants to “talk, really talk” about abortion.

Talking about abortion is the apparent wish of one Cecile Richards, CEO of Planned Parenthood. Great idea. Here’s another pro-lifer who agrees.

Richards is calling us to “talk – really talk – about abortion. America has an urgent need for authentic public dialogue on abortion.” Canada too.

Here’s the problem. Pro-choicers may say they want to talk about abortion, but then they are upset when the authentic talk goes sour.

It took me all of about 10 seconds to find a mournful “let’s talk about abortion” story. I googled “I had an abortion,” which is usually the hallmark of the pro-choice world on the internet. These are the people who want to share their abortions because they are not ashamed and because they want to raise consciousness about how abortion is a difficult, but simultaneously empowering, choice. The very first story I clicked on ends on this (sarcasm alert) tremendously uplifting note:

I was too scared to tell him he already hates me i couldn’t do it and so i aborted. I couldn’t raise a baby by myself. Its been over a month since my abortion and i would give anything to have my baby back.

I feel so guilty i took away my baby and his. He hasn’t a clue, part of me thinks i should tell him but whats it going to achieve now? My baby is gone and i cant get him/her back and that kills me.

I want my baby back.

Where were we? Oh yes, at Cecile Richard’s desire to talk about abortion. The sidebar for that same website includes the headline “My world is crashing down,” (surely a euphemism for something positive?!) and “I think of them. Always.” (Probably a pleasant reverie.)

There’s one called “The Right Choice“–so I scrolled through that one thinking it would be the tale of empowerment Cecile is looking for. As it turns out, the story includes crying, crying some more, tears, some more crying, confusion and a conclusion that includes missing the baby, anger at the situation and yes, you guessed it, even more crying.

Richards can say she wants to talk, but she doesn’t really.  Because the web site above is what she is going to get a lot of, unless she scripts it, in which case, we aren’t talking–really talking–about abortion.

There’s a reason why there is a stranglehold on free speech regarding abortion, and it serves the pro-choice world very nicely indeed.

That said, hear hear, Cecile Richards, I agree. Let’s talk about abortion. Really talk. Call anytime. I’m available. The whole pro-life community is right here, eagerly waiting to talk about abortion. We’ve been waiting a while, but better late than never.

Is Shawn Simoes a scapegoat?

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Let me first say that the #FHRITP trend is misogynistic and demeaning, and I applaud Shauna Hunt for not being cowered by the men who were harassing her. Shawn Simoes, the ridiculously unlikable man who has been fired from his job after being recorded supporting the #FHRITP trend, is not a popular guy at the moment with good reason, and I doubt he will be able to escape his social media footprint anytime soon. However, I wonder if firing him, though it is completely understandable, will actually address the underlying problem, which is misogyny itself. We have all united in our disapproval of Shawn Simoes, and this has provided us with the illusion that in terminating his employment (in which he earned a substantial salary of $106k, which is always highlighted in the news coverage to emphasize the high level of justice being carried out) all is once right again. But I have to wonder, is all right in the world once again?

We’re all appeased by the outcome: Man says vulgar thing, man is punished. But men do say vulgar things, a lot in my experience, and sexual harassment takes place in nearly every workplace I’ve ever been in or heard of. This is a problem, is it not? Violence against women? Misogyny? Is firing Shawn Simoes going to fix all that? I think French theorist René Girard would argue that it simply calms us back into accepting the culture and the society the way that it is, but leaves it ultimately unchallenged and unchanged. If Simoes is a scapegoat, “scapegoat” does not mean he’s innocent, simply that he’s fulfilling the role of being punished in order for the social order to continue unchanged.

Human beings are fundamentally imitative creatures. We copy each other’s desires and are in perpetual conflict with one another over the objects of our desire. In early human communities, this conflict created a permanent threat of violence and forced our ancestors to find a way to unify themselves. They chose a victim, a scapegoat, an evil one against whom the community could unite.

Again, “scapegoat” does not imply Shawn Simoes is innocent (he’s a jerk, we all agree), but should we, rather than being calmed down by his example, instead be ripping apart the seams of the culture that created him? There are millions who enjoy this degrading meme, and there are millions who are also watching pornography and the brutalization of women which therein informs things. Prostitution, trafficking, rape, the making of women into consumer products, this informs things. Firing Simoes doesn’t address this and can actually serve in the interest of furthering the REAL LIE, the REAL problem, the myth that mysogony is getting less and that women are better off now in our culture simply because they make more money. This affirms our culture, and tells us everything is okay when it’s not (I’m suddenly feeling like the reporter in that scene from Network!).

Shouldn’t we be getting mad instead of celebrating the sacrifice of our scapegoat?

Hunt

 

National victory begins in our local communities

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2015tpk
When the mainstream media decides to champion a cause, it can mean millions, if not billions of free advertising for that particular issue. The acceptance of same-sex marriage in our society would be a good example.
Conversely, what the media chooses to ignore is often tragic and catastrophic. Canada’s National Marches for Life attracting tens of thousands from across the county would be a good example.  The Ottawa March consistently draws more people to the steps of Parliament Hill consecutively, year after year, than any other single issue.
But the fact that the media has chosen to ignore this issue is such a great disservice to women that it is difficult to fathom.

Her name was Kate. She was a 28-year-old business woman whose story is told in “What Every Woman Needs to Know about Blood Clots” posted on the National Blood Clot Alliance “Stop the Clot” website. Kate’s symptoms started while she was in Hawaii on her honeymoon. She suffered pain in her calf that was so intense it woke her up at night. She went to an orthopedic surgeon, who ordered scans, found no problems, and dismissed her. She forgot about it. Seven months later she passed out in an airport following a flight. Medical personnel said she was dehydrated. Completely unknown to her, Kate had developed deep vein thrombosis in her calf.

Women who take their daily hormonal contraceptive are not told that it raises their risk of deep vein thrombosis (DVT) 300 to 500 fold. DVT causes stroke, heart attack, blindness, brain damage, and death. The pill also puts women at increased risks for various cancers, other sexually transmitted diseases, and it acts as an abortifacient.
According to a lone, but significant CBC report, there are at least 23 deaths from the birth control pill in Canada alone, and numerous other serious health affects.  Bayer has paid out over $1 billion to settle lawsuits against their birth control pills, Yaz and Yemen.
So when the media ignores an issue, it is up to us to take up the rallying cry.  American Life League is campaigning to stop the horrors that Planned Parenthood perpetuate, and they are also focusing on the birth control pill.”Organize a local event”, their web-page encourages.  Don’t wait for big media outlets to take up this cause, get active in your local community.
National victory begins at the local level. Planned Parenthood, local pharmacies, and other contraception distribution points and manufacturers are excellent venues for your event. Stand on sidewalks or other public right-of-ways. Make yours a peaceful, prayerful presence. You can hold signs about contraception and our Pill Kills signs, if you wish. Be sure you comply with all local laws.
Women deserve to know the truth about artificial birth control.

The comms strategies of environmentalists in Alberta

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I listened to this program on CBC not too long ago. It’s Chris Turner talking about how to be a Green Party candidate in Calgary. I appreciated his remarks.

Activists in particular tend to come guns a blazing, and it’s rare that others share the passion. That can be the first problem.

Pro-life activists tend to want to speak truth but we can be bad at listening. And we can be bad at meeting people where they are at. (Listening and meeting people where they are at is not the same thing as compromising on important values, she reminds herself.)

In any event, finding consensus in a conversation is a good starting point, whether you are an environmentalist in Calgary discussing the oil sands or a pro-lifer at a downtown Toronto dinner party.

Listen

Dear topless pro-choice protestor

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The March for Life is being held right now in Ottawa. I was  unable to make it, but it turns out a woman took off her shirt to protest the pro-life position. Again. Here is my open letter to her.

Dear Woman-Who-Pulled-Off-Her-Shirt at the March for Life rally:

I gather you feel strongly about abortion and women’s unrestricted access to it. You probably have personal reasons for that position. Perhaps you had an abortion you felt you needed or simply wanted, or perhaps a friend or a loved one had an abortion. Maybe she felt she had no other option but to kill the child growing inside her, and you stood by her and supported her. Or maybe you simply believe that abortion access is a human rights issue.

While I’ll likely disagree with your reasons for legalized abortion, I do support your right to express yourself and share your perspective.

However, going topless at a pro-life rally really isn’t a great way to make your point. Showing your breasts to the world is not an argument in favour of legalized abortion. It simply isn’t.

Toplessness isn’t shocking anymore, and for a few reasons. First, probably more than half of the March participants are women. They have their own breasts. They aren’t surprised by another pair. Your bare breasts do nothing to persuade them to adopt a pro-choice position.

As for the men, even the religious officials, they know what breasts look like. Really. Honestly. And I highly doubt a single one of them gasped in horror and fled the stage. And I am positive not a single one changed his pro-life perspective.

And we live in a sadly over-sexualized culture. Enough said.

You may have attended last year’s March rally where another woman (or perhaps two?) took off her shirt and stormed the stage. The speaker, a male religious official, didn’t bat an eye or miss a beat.

Topless protesting doesn’t really elicit much attention at all. A few people might tweet what you did, but really, that’s about it. And it doesn’t convey a point or an argument.

And is drawing attention to yourself for an act of nudity persuasive in the first place?

clothesline

My next point is that there are interesting and engaging pro-choice arguments. The violinist argument? Have you heard of it? It’s not a perfect analogy or argument, but it has given plenty of pro-lifers reason for pause and reflection over the years. I’m all for pro-choicers advancing arguments that cause us to think and more carefully consider our position. Bring on the good arguments, enlightening illustrations and personal stories. Most pro-lifers want to listen to what you have to say. We hope that you’ll listen to our arguments and stories too.

I hope you’re okay, and you weren’t hurt when security pulled you out of the crowd. I hope that you have an opportunity to really share your perspective and even your own story. If you feel like getting in touch with me or anyone else at PWPL, you can reach us here.  Andrea responds to email requests quite quickly. We’ll be in touch.

Maybe someday we can even have coffee. But let’s keep our tops on, okay?

Kind regards,

Faye Sonier

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