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Archives for January 2009

Thanks, CTV

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I realize it’s a bit heart-sinking to realize that there is out there an “online dating service for cheaters” (i.e., adulterers).  But at least they won’t be advertising during the Super Bowl.  I guess that’s something to feel good about.  (Work with me here, people.)

So, on behalf of parents, married people, and all Canadians with even a modicum of public decency, I would like to thank CTV for this decision.

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Rebecca adds: The phrase “defining deviancy down” springs to mind.

One day, I want to write a book on the need for stigma and shame. No government should be in the business of policing people’s extramarital activity, but no healthy society can afford to condone adultery. In an era in which non-judgmentalism is one of the major virtues, necessary concepts like ostracism and social disgrace have lost all meaning, and a desire not to hurt people’s feelings by passing judgment on their behaviour has created a culture in which hearts are broken and lives ruined.

Just one night….

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An interesting – if mortifying – article in today’s Citizen. One that hits particularly close to home: our family enforces a strict no-sleepover policy from birth until making your own mortgage/rent payments. Our children are mostly okay with it… except when they’re not. In a nutshell:

“Children kick up a big fuss. Parents need to get more backbone.”

Sleepover invitations start with school. Yes, that’s 4 years old in Ontario. When my older children were young, the no-sleepover policy was mostly based on self-preservation: I didn’t want to feel like I had to return the favor. Plus, who needs a cranky, sleep-deprived 6-year-old? Really. But as my children grew older, my concern moved over to the parenting skills and judgment of my children’s friends’ parents. What do they consider an age-appropriate game? An age-appropriate TV show? An age-appropriate movie? An appropriate age to be left alone in the house while the parents go out? An appropriate way to spend adult time? Do I want to find out the next day, when my child comes home, and tells me that Jimmy’s Dad turns into a screaming drunk after 9 pm? What is the first comment everybody makes when a family turns up dead at the hand of another family member? “They looked so normal!” I don’t trust anybody’s definition of normal but my own, especially where my children’s well-being is concerned.

As my older children crawl into adolescence, the issue of sexual health, morality and behavior comes to the fore. At the age where children are slowly growing discernment skills, hormones come a-kicking and your child’s safety no longer depends on your parenting skills or how well he or she has internalized family values but also on how well their peers have been brought up. In today’s culture of entitlement, there is nothing I trust less. Reading the article mentioned above, I realized that the three parenting dilemmas presented in the introduction were not so many dilemmas but a progression of the first dilemma into adolescence and adulthood. As a parent, where do you draw the line? Notice how the parents featured in the article relate their “decision” to allow sleepovers not so much as a decision but as a progression from one thing to the other. Do I want to leave my child’s sexual health in the expert hands of parents who are cornered into compromise by their teens? Even for one night?

That’s how it works at my house. What about yours?

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Patricia adds: I don’t  have a general policy against sleep-overs. I just find that very rarely are they a practical fit with my kids’ schedules, my firm belief that no one can deal with life unless they’ve had a good night’s sleep and my general reluctance to have to reciprocate.

It goes without saying that any family my kids is staying with will be one which I know very well. And I feel pretty confident that any of these mothers and fathers would laugh hysterically at the very idea of a co-ed sleepover for 12- or 13-year-olds.

Honestly, this is not exactly rocket science. “The dear little androgynous puppies” all snuggled up in the rec room. Does that really sound like a good idea to anyone?

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Rebecca says: This hasn’t been an issue yet in our family – nobody is old enough yet to want to sleep away from the parental home. Since the question hasn’t arisen, I haven’t wrestled with it. What I do worry about sometimes are plain old simple playdates. While one devoutly hopes that daytime playdates between elementary school children won’t involve anything remotely like sex, there are lots of other matters in which other kids’ parents might make different judgments than we do. This applies to trivial things, like sugary snacks and whether or not to call adults by their first name, but it also applies to more important issues, like how much TV or video gaming is permitted, what specific shows or games are allowed, and the influence of others in the house, like older siblings, who may behave and speak in ways that you wouldn’t normally want your child to be exposed to.

One doesn’t want to raise hermits, but on the other hand, it is depressing to put a great deal of effort into insulating your child from a particularly noxious trend, only to find out that in ten minutes’ conversation with a classmate, they have learned all about the latest inappropriate TV show/song/gossip or whatever.

Lighter blogging for the next little while

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I’ll be away on holiday sans computer for the next little bit. So I won’t be blogging–and I thought I’d let you know. (I also won’t be able to crack the whip on the other women. You thought they were on this site of their own free will? No, no, NO–we’re the anti-choice side, remember? This is all part of an indentured servitude plan I created. Here’s to no mutinies while I’m gone.)

And no, you don’t want to know where I’m going, in particular if you are experiencing the minus temperatures and tons of snow that we’ve gotten in Ottawa lately. Mahalo for your understanding.

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Brigitte is not at all jealous: No, I really, really like shovelling… Have fun!

Not that there are any repercussions to abortion

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This article talks about an increase in pre-term births in Canada and made me think of other studies I’ve read linking abortion to subsequent pre-term delivery. It’s a link I’m sure you won’t hear about in the mainstream media, so I thought I should mention it on this site. A couple of articles on the link between abortion and pre-term delivery for your reading pleasure, here and here.

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Patricia adds: This is not directly on the same subject as Andrea’s post, but bear with me.

An Australian hospital’s pregnancy advisory service has released an analysis of reasons why women using its service are considering abortion.

Victoria’s Royal Women’s Hospital’s Pregnancy Advisory Service is the state’s largest public “pregnancy support service”. Women with an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy can contact the service about their options, including abortion and continuing the pregnancy. That said, it sounds like the greatest “service” the PAS provides is abortion referral: The Medical Journal of Australia reported recently that of the 5,462 women who contacted the service between October 2006 and October 2007, 90 per cent were seeking an abortion.

Of the 3,018 women surveyed on reasons for seeking abortion, 34 per cent listed their primary reason as “do not want children now” or “not the right time”. Another 547, or 18 per cent, said they already had enough children, 263, or 9 per cent, said they were caring for a young baby, and 339, or 11 per cent, said they were too young.

Financial, relationship or medical reasons together (together! I would have thought these were the major reasons) accounted for 19 per cent of cases. Rape accounted for 1 per cent.

Is it just me or, with the exception of the rape category (just 1 percent), do these reasons seem somewhat underwhelming? I realize that it’s hard to make statistics compelling but the rhetoric of the pro-choice movement always seemed pitched at the level of “women’s lives destroyed” if access to abortion is compromised in the slightest manner. But does it really seem to you that a woman’s life is “destroyed” if she has three children instead of two (as she had planned)? Or if she has a child a few years ahead of schedule?

I know that such an event can cause hardship and even suffering. But I’m just not sure that any of these reasons indicate that “women’s lives are at risk”.

And do any of these reasons seem compelling enough to risk the kind of repercussions associated with abortion – those mentioned in Andrea’s post and others?

Once in a blue moon…

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…something positive happens on campus–like learning and thinking. McGill University recently hosted Mary Meehan to represent the pro-life feminist view to students. Read the report here, sounds like it was a good event.

Mary Meehan, a self-proclaimed feminist, liberal author, and public speaker from Maryland, defended the pro-life movement last night as she stood before a packed Leacock 232 at Choose Life’s third official event.

Choose Life, a new interim club at McGill, invited Meehan to explain her seemingly contradictory political beliefs. “I think a moment’s reflection reveals that liberals indeed are anti-choice on many issues …the death penalty, most wars, torture, rape, racial discrimination, and many more. They should add abortion to the list,” Meehan said.

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Véronique adds: I graduated in November from McGill with a Master’s degree in law and a specialization in bioethics. I found the law faculty aggressively liberal: we were never exposed to a conservative argument except maybe to mock it. That being said, I never felt threatened or excluded at the biomedical ethics unit. It was very clear that nobody — teacher or student — had a sanctity of life approach to anything. (No good offer will be turned down!) But I could always make a good sanctity of life argument without feeling like I would be tarred and feathered out of the place. I have excellent memories of studying bioethics at McGill, pro-life feminist and all.

Because 100,000 a year just isn’t enough…

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Vicky Saporta, of the National Abortion Federation, on why “we must remain vigilant in preserving reproductive freedom”. You have the feeling sometimes that these people will not rest until every darn pregnancy is labelled unwanted and terminated. What do they want, half a million aborted babies a year? 2 million? Would that be enough?

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Andrea adds: I’d just like to have a Count the Euphemisms contest. Quite an article.

21st anniversary of the Morgentaler decision

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PWPL got started just over a year ago to remember today’s anniversary and to say clearly that Morgentaler is no champion of women’s rights. Here’s a short YouTube clip to get you better acquianted with the man himself.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCuQhKIgasg&eurl=]

Look, it’s not, in my opinion, particulary great poetry. So I’m not going to spend tons of time delving into inner meanings. But given what Morgentaler has spent his life doing–I think it’s worth noting that he himself seems pretty conflicted over the whole business of who women are, and his relationship to them. Still want to read the book Morgentaler, A Difficult Hero–we disagree on the “hero” part; it’s the “difficult” part I’m interested in.

h/t Flaggman’s Canada

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Brigitte is shocked, shocked: The clip ends with the host starting to explain that the book is self-published. With a straight face… The guy deserves an award.

America’s Next Top Model=Not Me

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Yesterday, as the city of Ottawa frantically studied the economy on Budget Day 2009, I worried about what to wear. No really.

I had my first ever “photo shoot.” Everyone has strengths, everyone has weaknesses; I’m here to tell you that my strength does not lie in modeling. (I feel sure that short of this admission, America’s Top Model would have come calling… but no, it’s writing and policy analysis for me.)

Never is one more acutely aware of what one is wearing and whether a hair is out of place then when one is being photographed, standing awkwardly in a studio in front of a large white backdrop—furthermore as a representative of ProWomanProLife. Do hairs out of place mean I am unorganized, unruly? Does hair too much in place mean I am wound too tight? Shirt—too stylish, too staid? Colours. Make-up. You get my point. It’s all pretty self-centered. Except that ultimately I am not worried about how I look, per se, but rather how being pro-life is portrayed. (And sure, I’d rather not look terrible, if I had a choice.)

The editor advised that this is not the moment for big broad smiles. And fair enough, abortion is not funny. But how am I to pose for photos without smiling? I’ve been told to please laugh less loudly in no less than three bars over the course of my life. And the unfortunate thing is that the photographer and his assistant were actually quite funny. After each joke, however, I’d have to become serious, and thoughtful. Nothing funny here. So is this now to say pro-lifers just don’t know how to have a good time?

Serious and thoughtful, by the way, with my Slavic heritage, quickly morphs into a KGB operative look. The cheekbones—the intensity—yes, I work for Vladimir Putin, actually, and “policy analyst” is my cover. And if I told you any more, I’d have to kill you.

So. There you have it. Stay tuned. Meanwhile, I will keep the day job—since modeling apparently isn’t an option.

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Brigitte would like to add a somewhat semi-related thought: Ah, Andrea. If only more people worried half as much as you do… I have been struggling over the last few days to watch 4 months, 3 weeks & 2 days, the movie about a girl having an illegal abortion in Ceausescu’s Romania that won the Palme d’Or at the Cannes Film Festival, and boy, is it bad. It’s so dreadful in fact that I’m about to give up on it. It’s not like I’m not interested in the story. But these blasted European movies are so focused on displaying all the bad aspects of emotional turmoil that the result is invariably messy, dishevelled, and unbearably grim.

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